My head was buzzing. I don't know how many green tea shots Luke and I took. But I would be lying if it was under 7.
"Wait so you guys went to school together," I ask.
"Ya Michael and I have been long-time friends," Luke answers. My mind immediately went to how the boys were. They all have been friends for a long time, unlike me, an outsider. Just someone who watches them, films them. My stomach turns at the thought that I am just a prying eye on their life, nothing but a blood-sucking vampire that knows nothing about their true thoughts and feelings.
"Hey....you ight love," Luke says placing a hand over mine as I stare blankly at my drink. I snap my head towards his and give him a simple smile.
"Ya...sorry. I-uh just got distracted," I answer back placing my other hand over his. I watch as he looks down at our intertwined hands and I take my top hand off of his. I don't know why I did it, some kind of instinct that I had to reassure someone.
"So..tell me about you," Luke says with an awkward smile. Even in my drunken state, I know that he is flirting, trying to drag something out of me that I so much don't want to talk about.
The thing about me is, there isn't much to say. Ever since I have been following MCR around I have not done anything for myself but be there for them. Hold their matted sweaty hair back while they puke their guts out on the side of the road. Taken every brunt of missed communication that needed to be fixed that their manager, which I love, doesn't do. I have been there through everything imaginable, with nothing to show for myself.
"I-ugh.... well I love film and photography. I am really into music and movies," I answer back. We spark up a conversation about what our favorite directors are and what genres of music we like. As we talk I see Luke look down at his phone and give a distorted pained face, which doesn't mean anything good.
"Are you alright," I ask trying to get information on his facial expressions.
"Ya just...my ex texted me," Luke says. He shakes slightly as he places the phone back into his tight jeans.
"I see...what did she say," I pry more. I guess that part of my job hasn't left me. Always wanting more information, more content. I know that Luke is not MCR but I would be damned if I don't know what I am getting myself into tonight if I don't ask.
"Nothing just was asking how I am doing," Luke says swirling his straw around. So I am guessing that he isn't over his ex. This is my perfect opportunity to make him think that us not working is because of him and not my own twisted reasoning.
"And how are you...doing," I ask with as much sympathy I could muster. I know that it is fucked up, meddling in something so vulnerable and real to someone. I have never been in love, much less in a true relationship.
"I-I don't know really. It is weird, the feeling that I had with her. It was like, everything else in the world didn't matter when I looked at her. That everything in my life faded out and it was just us. I swear that time stopped with her. But she also made me the most infuriated and annoyed person. Like she knew how to push the exact button to get me to react on a dime," Luke says. He continues his rant and I slowly started to retreat into my own head. I have felt that feeling myself, that hot and cold; ecstasy and furry. I don't know how but, I feel that when I look at Gerard.
"That sounds..intense," I answer trying to act like I wasn't in my own world while he talked. Fanticing about Gerard and about the ways he makes me feel.
"It was, but it had to end. Anyone that plays with your mind like that. That gives you everything and nothing at the same time isn't that person for you. They will only leave you empty with a high that you can never get back," Luke says before downing his drink. I feel a ping in my heart, like his words directly attach to the way I am feeling; confused, alone, horny, flustered, but most of all craving. I am craving Gerard right now; his insight, voice, deminor, cockiness, and wit. I miss everything about him, maybe it is because of the alcohol. Also, the fact that he is with another woman, whom he is married to. Does that make me a bad person? A homewrecker? I have no answer for myself but the guilt that plagues me.
