This concert was different than they had been behind the scenes. The boys didn't talk much beforehand much, occasionally Frank and Ray would speak to each other. Mikey and Gerard sat there intertwined with their own thoughts, and I was left there wanting to crawl out of my skin.
When it was time to go on stage, their lack of chemistry vanished. They acted as if nothing was wrong and they had been best friends this whole time. Gerard even went over to Frank and kissed him on the forehead. It amazes me that no matter what they are going through they leave the shit at the stage side and give everything to their fans.
It was like we were a room full of strangers, begging to understand each other. And Gerard was the master puppeteer of us all. He controlled the whole mood of the band, even down to our actions. If Gerard wanted to stay in tonight, we would and no one would leave. If he wanted to derail the tour bus from making up the time, it would happen. The scariest part is that he knows this, and he takes full advantage.
"We have one more song for you guys. If you know it..please...sing along," Gerard says into the mic looking out into the crowd. His eyes darken and sweat pours down over his face. He looks unholy at this moment.
He wipes his face with his sleeve facing the drum before the lights go dark. I see his silhouette turn back around. His body turned towards me and the camera. I feel pins and needs run through my body as a dark red light turns on behind them. I watch as his body heaves up and down and his head hangs low.
The Guitar riff starts filling my ears fully.
"For what you did to me. Is what I'll do to you. You get what everyone else gets. You get a lifetime," Gerard snarls into the mic ripping it off the stand and continuing the song.
Watching the energy and passion that they all give in the last song of the night is heroic. Being that burnt out from the night before. All the mental drainage that they all endure, still never missing a beat. I ensure I get good footage of their emotions and energy of this night; it will definitely be in the documentary.
"Your running out of places to hide from me," Gerard sings making direct eye contact with me. I stare back at him, unable to break eye contact. Like he is singing this line straight toward me. That last night is playing in both of our heads and he knows that no matter how much I fight. No matter how much I know that this attraction I feel is wrong on every level; it won't stop.
The lights fade and the crowd screams out for them. As if they are letting their souls leave their bodies begging for the gods that just walked off stage. I pick up my camera quickly and make my way backs stage for the high that I just endured from them.
As I get backstage all of them are nowhere to be found. No one is talking in high spirits like they normally do. Slapping each other on the back for the great performance, applauded each other on parts of the show that they liked one another.
I hang my head low looking at my camera that was just filled with lies.
"Guess I should stop having so much hope for something that will never be. And pack up my shit so I am not late," I say to myself.
-
It's 3 am. We have been on the road for a few hours now and I can't sleep. I am just staring at the roof of my bunk in silence. I don't know if anyone else is awake. Everyone has their curtains closed and I don't hear video game noise coming from any of them which is what they would normally do when others are sleeping.
I decide to get out of my bunk and just sit on the couch, at least then I can look out at the road. As I rip open my curtain a see a low light coming from the seating area. I pull my blanket off the bed with me and go out to see who it was.
