I wake up in pain and ecstasy. I turn over to look at the man snoring softly next to me. It does nothing but bring a smile to my face. Knowing that we can wake up next to each other, knowing that everyone in the band is ok with us being together. If you would have told me that I would be in this position with him 5 months ago I would have laughed in your face, but now. Now, it's the only home I have ever known.
"Take a picture sugar," Gerard says with his eyes close as I feel my cheeks redden, "it will last longer."
I lean over toward the nightstand, grab my camera, and snap a shot, getting a groan from Gerard as he wrapped his arms around me, giving me a half smile.
"I didn't mean for real sugar," Gerard says kissing the top of my head and readjusting us as I through the camera off the bed and wrap my hands around his neck.
I play with the longer parts of his black hair making him purr into my ear and my stomach starts to lench. I don't understand how I never saw how effortlessly beautiful he was, he is just laying there, sleeping, and he could have been on the cover of a magazine.
A part of me starts to feel insecure, why I couldn't tell you. Maybe because he is so quickly able to slip from my fingers and go back to what he knows. Me being his videographer and his employer. A nobody, he had a sexy rock star wife and has a kid. What do I really offer him? I have not a penny to my name. I wasn't famous. I was....just so...me.
"I can hear the clogs in your head ticking," Gerard says lazily opening his eyes, "what is that gorgeous head thinking about."
I felt the sting of my eyes form as I looked down towards his Misfits t-shirt that he he wore. I start to trace his peck under the shirt as I try to think of the best way to phrase what I felt.
"I-," I start to say but feel my throat close.
"Y/N...sugar...what is it," Gerard says taking my face into his hands with as much concern as I have ever seen him give. Making me cry harder.
"Don't leave me," I barely choke out. I can't say all the reasons that I couldn't have him leave me.
I couldn't tell him he is the only one I think of when I woke up. That he is the only one I want to talk to when I am anxious. That he is the only person that makes my heart beat. That his smile is brighter than the sun. That he is the only person that sees through me when I am not ok, that he kisses away all the bruises and scars that I have.
"Y/n. I would never," Gerard says sternly, "if you ever feel like we are slipping. Which I doubt...hey"
I lift my eyes towards him when he shakes my face. His brows pulled together, concern written over his face. I know that whatever he has to say is so important. I swallow down my insecurities and take in what he says.
"If there ever comes a time where you think that I am not uncontrollably and fully infatuated with you. I want you to repeat these words 'When the lights go out will you take me with you'" Gerard says.
I slightly nod, not knowing what he was talking about. But I agreed. I know that I would run to the depth of the earth for him, to be with him.
-
We made love for the rest of the morning. It wasn't aggressive or as hungry as we have been in the past. It was slow, with Gerard making eye contact with me every step of the way.
Kissing every tear I might have shed from that we had moment in the morning.
I made my way out onto the stage to place a note I wrote down for him when he was in the bathroom getting ready for New York. The last stop before we were in New Jersey and had a week-long break.
