*I haven't done this in a while but I want you by Concrete Blonde,Fade into you by Mazzy Star, All I wanted by Paramore, then Where You Will Go by The Calling...I listened to these songs while making the chapter and I think that they fit and I added certain lyrics into the chapter so I recommend *
At this moment, in this time. Nothing else matters. My carrier, my feelings, his feelings, his life, how he treats me. I am a salve to this. The sneaking around, the way he makes me feel in the moment. The feeling of being drunk during our interactions. The way we only want to know each other at the moment. The fact that both of us know this is wrong after the fact, doesn't stop us. Someone else could watch us, see what we do in the most degrading places. Bathrooms, truck stops, the tour bus, middle of the night during a long drive, after a concert.
We have done it everywhere. And I KNOW how bad it is, I know that I should not want to be with a man that doesn't care for anyone but himself. But at the same time, I have never felt more alive, freer. Looking into his eyes when we fuck. Him pulling me in like gravity pulling us to the concrete that holds us on earth. And the aftermath, the moments in time after we are both on the cum down, it's clear through the noise of my conscious.
"Fuck..sugar," Gerard huffs into my ear. My hand's sticking to the back of his hair and the base of his neck.
"Gerard," I let out. I pull at the base of his neck for him to face me.
"Yes...," Gerard says letting his forehead rest on mine. I take a minute to engulf his scent. The sent that over the last two weeks I could never get enough of. The scent that even though I know I'm wrong, I only want.
"It's been a long long time. and too many miles-," I start ready to confess what I feel.
"I know Y/n. I know that we have been doing this for a while. I know that we are both contaminated by each other-," Gerard speaks in the janitor closet in the Bosten theater that we are in.
I feel the tears fall into my eyes. I want you. Is what I think in my mind. Knowing that if I say it, it would ruin what we have. Ruin the secret and would make it real.
I tighten my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck. I dip my head deep into his neck and I feel him stroke my back as tears stream down my face.
"I am a fool," I choke out.
"Shhhh. Sugar, you are not a fool. I am just a demon that wants to pull light into the dark," Gerard says into my collar bone.
"I think that we both know where this is going. It just won't, Gerard, It just won't. I want to hold-," I say slinking my body off of him. Ready to have the conversation. Ready to let my heart be freed of him. Knew that it was wrong, that no matter what I felt, it was wrong on every level.
"Sugar, please. I-I can't allow it. I know what I have done in the past. I know who I have been. I want to ch-," Gerard says grasping my face.
Suddenly. My life, my soul was ripped out of my body. Every meaningful and gut-wrenching feeling I had was taken.
"Where is my husband?! GERARD. YOU DRUNK BASTARD! YOUR DAUGHTER IS HERE TO SEE YOU! YOU INCONSIDERATE BASTARD," we hear a female voice say walking past us.
"He went out for a smoke Lindsey. Sometimes he goes to the gate to talk to the fans. I will take you out there," Ray says passing the room. Gerard places a hand over my mouth and one over my naked hips pressing me into him.
I close into myself for a moment. Letting the tears fall down my face. Knowing that this was the end. The two weeks were over the weeks that I spent with the only man that made me feel alive.
