suicidal but a meme idol

holding on

it's been two weeks since I've had sex. Quite frankly I've gotten used to having my libido going like a plane into the twin towers. It comes and goes. It's higher when I'm with him but it just seems that he doesn't care about my satisfaction. Only his. He says that he doesn't feel like it or that he doesn't value it adds anything meaningful into our relationship. Which I get. I'm not going to change his perception or change his values. I don't want to push him into something he doesn't want to do. However, he constantly neglects my needs and wants. He doesn't even try. I kinda feel strung along sometimes. That I am holding out a line waiting for him to bite. And even when he does bite, it's just a lousy catfish and not a beautiful snapper. You get where I am going? Essentially the sex is underwhelming and boring. I want excitement. If I'm waiting so long I want to be excited or feel passion. It's way too vanilla man. Like god damn. There's no passion. Not from him or me. Just seems like he's doing it so I stop complaining about getting nothing to fill me. I have more fun masturbating and watching porn then engaging in intimacy with him. Like I envy what I see in pornography. I get that watching it warps my expectations on a healthy sexual interaction and hinders my perception on what sex is in reality. But I can't help but fantasise about these endless possibilities. More adventure and excitement in sex. Now it's like fucking flour. Plain and boring. No flavour. No punch. Just bleh. I can't stand it. It makes me coochie itch and my tits ache. I crave physical touch. Underneath all this fucking neediness and desire for verification through physical touch is underlying daddy issues. Wanting to feel like I can please him.He knows I feel this way. He also knows that I need this intimacy to make me feel that I am valued and appreciated. Speaks volumes about my mental health when I don't get my satisfaction from depending on someone's actions. It's fucked. I get needy and moody and worst of all clingy. Like I want to be distant. I want to dump his ass cause he ain't pleasing me. But I keep reminding myself a relationship isn't always about sec. Sure, it plays a part. But I just don't feel like from him I'm needed and wanted. I told him if I don't get physical tough, he needs to step up in giving me other forms of affection. Which he is horrible failing at. So... I'm out. I have no idea what to do.