suicidal but a meme idol

you vs the frantic terrors of grade 12

* part of my final english assignment (meant to be an inspirational speech but i fucked it) enjoy *

Recently, the year 12's of 2018 had to finalise their yearbook quotes. So, I can safely announce that I did not quote my "clairvoyant" sister on dropping out at grade 10. Maybe I proved her wrong by continuing with school, or just embodying being dropped on the head too many times. To be honest, I don't know why I am here, and I'm guessing you won't be able to relate to an animating amputee's story of how they have mastered to hang washing with their feet and wipe their ass with their butt cheeks. As much as their anecdotes are enlivening, I'm positive that most of us have a memory of a sieve. So, I am going to be straightforward. I'll be your lamp down the deep dark tunnel that lies ahead of you. Grade 12. (pause) Sounds daunting, doesn't it? Like a spooky skeleton jumping your bones. Your final year of schooling before you go off into the great big wide world, and to be frank, you'll be the thing that makes it flabbergasting. Honestly, I didn't think I'd be here. Not just here at the school and completing my final year, but standing before you, being able to say that I lived through my "magical" school year... inspiring you enough yet? So today, I present you to the terrifying and timeless expedition of year 12; just remember to tie your shoelaces.

Gear up, because it's going to be a tough game, and that's ok. It wouldn't be a game without a few tosses and turns. Some days you'll be sweating like a gypsy with a mortgage before walking on the turf, but I ask you, will it be worth it? Will all this blood, sweat and tears even mean anything? Yes, yes it will. No matter what anyone tells you, your effort is more valued than your grades. You may not be the fastest, smartest, hardest player in the team, but your effort alone can be the shot of the game. So, do it. Take the first steps to line up, have the initiative to learn and train hard and be determined to give your all. Whether it be through extra homework, going to after school tutoring, seeking help from friends, even being brave enough to approach your petrifying teacher for help. I promise you, they don't bite. Go the extra mile if you need. Your hands will cramp, your legs will shake, you'll lose sight in your left eye, and sometimes you'll forget to shower and sleep in your reeking sweaty uniform. Is that ok? Probably not cause that's unequivocally unhygienic, but you know it was worth it. Run the line, take the hard yards to get that glorious goal, because in the long run, it'll be worth the struggle. As much as you want to work towards your long-term goal, have short small goals. Balance your time, and don't put all your energy into initial goal otherwise you'll fall off the tightrope, because you'll fatigue easily, scraping to get those extra points on the board. Distribute your effort, that will be the best thing you could do, otherwise you got a long game ahead of you.

Break point, time to sub of. Take. The. Rest. Even when you're not supposed to. You get tired - we all get tired - so don't exert yourself. You have limits; we all do. As much as I'd love to be Superman wearing fluorescent jocks 24/7, sadly we are but Batman...even then, he has the gadgets to save himself, and he's pretty epic. Recovery is essential after a battle, and if the battle is completing your SOR assignment on the night it's due, then take that 20 minutes to recalibrate. Taking time does not mean you are weak, it does not mean you aren't strong enough or smart enough to complete a task, and it certainly, absolutely, without doubt does not mean that you are nothing. In my days, I have continuously wrestled the meaning of my grades and how much I crave the entitlement they behold. I was like a dole bludger who should disperse his earnings, but instead use it to hot box his car. Nothing could stop me. I needed my grades to define my worth, to soothe my yearning of accomplishment as if it were rain. Catching the wrong plane like Kevin did in Home Alone 2. Too busy rocking around the Christmas tree to notice my house being burgled. It wasn't easy. I could wake up early, lock my doors twice, and check my plane ticket, and even then, I was trapped in the hands of the idiots inside my brain abusing my me like an iron to the face. I was ambushed by my own thoughts, punishing myself even more. So, stop. Put your hand up. Ask for help. Take time if you need. Quintessentially, your primary priority over anything - I even mean your snapchat streaks - is your wellbeing and safety. Know. Your. Boundaries. Aim to do your best, but don't jeopardise your health, your sanity, your life for a "mark". Breathe, refresh, then start again. No harm is done if you need time away from your keyboard. Go out, have fun occasionally. Use the equipment in your utility belt or hockey bag to tape up the grazes on your hands, let the first aid get you back to health, listen to your coach's tips, as they may be useful, and once in a while have a gander around the field with ya mates. You are not alone. Never.

Now it's finals, the big game. Fate is balancing your destiny with a soup spoon. You're nervous, shaking in your socks. You're eager as a cut snake to finish, but you are so frightened to flunk it. Maybe you do, maybe you don't, but your fingers are bruised from writing your third exam essay and you just want to pelt the ball over the line. Don't. Put your pride away; leave it in the dugout. Throw away the expectations you want to meet for your parents own complacency. Do it for you. No one else. Sure, go in with everything you bare. Don't hold back, but don't live up to anyone else's expectations but your own. You are the jockey of your stallion. You might not know what it means now. Hell, you might not know where you'll be next Tuesday. All I say is, live now. Be here now. Take control. Be the one who decides what everything means to you, no one else. You see, I was bamboozled on what I wanted and was a sheep to my family's demand of me. I didn't find perspicuity in my crusade for my achievements, and neither did they even when I was a marionette for their satisfaction. Absentmindedly, I was lost on what I should be doing and if I didn't meet my family's expectations, boy I was gonna get it like Macaulay Culkin's career. All you can do is your best. Don't put more weight on your back by adding your family's desires, cause if I can be real with you, it's hard if you do. Be reasonable, realistic and recognise your effort, because if you don't, then who will.

Well shit, I hope that wasn't too intimidating. As much as you should run for your dreams, sometimes you have bad knees like ol' mate that can barely even walk up stairs. So just breathe. It's not that horrible. Jokes aside, I truly found the solace in people around me. Having a lil faith in humanity, even if it's for your nagging English teacher. In all, steady yourself, use100% of your effort, take time if you need, and define what your effort and grades mean to your own accord. Once you figure that out, you'll be one step closer to making this haunting world a lil lighter. Now, time to shake hands and leave the field. Cheers guys, and have a swell day, see you on the other side.