suicidal but a meme idol

for you, i would do a hundred times more

I've never been afraid to die. I've never feared death and i still don't, and i won't. until now. now, now times have changed. for once i feared, let my emotions get the best of me. his auburn chocolate eyes piercing a part of me that i never knew existed; love. he stood there, on the pavement underneath an old lamp post, letting the rain cascade down his chiselled jaw. his lips plump and beaten as if he had been slammed to the concrete. his eyes seeped emotions that words couldn't explain. his clothes drenched his self-deprecation but the appeased smile on his lips lightened his drowning body. i stand but 4 feet away, memorising his melancholy features. his hands clenched that drips with crimson between his fingers and knuckles. his eyes tired, his smile begins to fade as he trembles to his knees. i watch as he tumbles to the hardened ground. his hair in his eyes covering the bruises forming on his tarnished skin. pushing from my breaking legs, i force myself into the thunderstorm and slide to stop his head from smashing the surface. kneeling, i put his head on the crook of my neck, supporting his weight as it droops. intertwining my fingers, locking them in his hair as i massage his scalp. his hands land on my waist, lazily trying to steady himself from crumbling. pushing his face to mine, i wipe the free strands of hair away from his face, holding him in the palm of my hands. his mouth agape, his breath unsteady and shaken, i hold him tighter putting my forehead to his.

"Hold on, hold on, please, do this for me, do this for me." I whimper, afraid that his life is oozing from him like the blood flowing from his body. caressing his swelling cheek with my calloused fingers. feeling the grinding of bones cracking within my legs, helplessly trying to help the torn body in front of me. his breath steady's but his heart is pounding. placing my hand on his chest and behind his neck, putting my head on his shoulder. small weeps trickle down my cheeks into his torn shirt to fall along with the rain on his shoulders. his grip on my hip tightens and pushes me towards his muscular frame. I hold on to him tighter, afraid he is going to run without me, but he didn't. his hands relaxed, holding me by the small of my waist to then pick me up. resting my brittle body in his lap he pushed up and walked to the house I was sheltered in. gently kicking the door and step in. our bodies soaked with the emotions that have flooded our clothing. he stares at me. waiting for something. anything. a reaction. I wanted to punch him. to hit him for the odious things he's done, but can't. he has ignited a flame inside of me that i thought had been extinguished a long time ago. wanted to hold him. to be engulfed in his warm wrath that tangles my every waking thought. if i hit him, i deny what i feel and bury it to become the emotionless wreck i am, but if i give in who knows the consequences because i sure as hell don't.

he strides towards the bathroom and places me in there before leaving. I reach out and grasp his bicep to pull him back in, my eyes go to the floor as i pull my hand back in regret. i hear the door close, assuming him to be gone, but He turns, his eyes soften and he gives in admittedly before stepping towards me. his body towering over mine I push him down on the edge of the bathtub. his face aligned to my chest but his eyes fixated on me. He pursed his lips, expecting something. I pivot on my foot and crouch down in the cupboard to try and find a first aid kit to mend the open wounds. Once I have found what I want I turn to see Elijah without his shirt on. It is then that I recognised the bruises forming on his tanned skin and the open gashes. my body shook, unable to comprehend what he did but ideas of what got them there made me uneasy. i kneel in between his legs, before searching the first aid kit to find disinfectant. twisting the cap i pour a little on a cotton ball before glancing up at the curious man in front of me.

"this is going to sting a little ok?" i sighed before biting the inside of my lip to stop me from getting distracted. i place the cotton on his chest and dab it along the long wound.. i then take the cotton and put it on the left side of his torso where the cut crossed from the lateral part of his ribs to below his left pelvic bone. dipping more disinfectant onto the cotton bud, i rise from my feet to stand in front of him. looking at the scratches and scars on his shoulder. i sigh in content, i place the cotton bud on his right shoulder. hearing him wince between his teeth, his hands went to my waist and gripped the drenched shirt. i put my free hand on his jaw, easing him into the stinging. once i am done, i reach down to the first aid kit again to find band-aids.