I Won't Mind - Ziam (major editing)

Chapter 1

I've been thinking back about the old days when me, myself and I were still in the band. It was really a great time and maybe, could be the best time of my life. I'm not sure though. But With all those supports from our fans, we grew better and better. And what's the most amazing thing about being in the band? Having my four best guys.

Harry Styles. Who was used to keep me in sanity. He is such a great listener and adviser. Always a cheeky lad. The youngest one but acts older than his age sometimes. He did always come to me whenever he got drunk and we ended up talking deep conversations for so many times.

Niall Horan. My little brother from another mother. That's not so little anymore. He's really proud of where he came from. He is a truly fan of this band. Maybe he will never leave the band like I did until the band splits.

Louis Tomlinson. My bro. My partner in crime. And we had no chill sometimes. He's the sassiest one in the band. Yeah, me too sometimes. We both hate the management. Well, we have our own reasons. Not gonna spill it here.

And the last one, Liam Payne. The love of my life.

I find myself can't stop smiling at the thought of Liam. I'm thinking back to when we messed around, saying I love you's to each other on stage, that I don't know if he meant it or not as much as I did. Even we almost kissed when the lights were off. Or did we? But after all we won't really care if anyone noticed. We just really want to go further than this but fame has been holding us down.

I was getting tired from the life I used to live. The management kept rejecting my songs. I felt like they didn't even want me to be in the band. Maybe I was a burden to them, for being different.. I really don't know but what I know is people are triggered by my religion.

And what hurts the most, those stupid medias can't stop spreading bad rumours about me. In anything and everything I do. They will always find their way to throw me like a trash. Like if I were really the troublemaker, attention seeker bad guy in their eyes. And they would feel so proud of themselves–even satisfied is the right word–if their articles of me being shit talked catch the public's attention. I have never even done something to them.

I've never wanted to be in that place. In the earlier days, I ever wanted to give up right then, once. But there was still so many people telling me to stay strong and don't listen to what the haters said. So I stood still.

But three weeks ago, I think it was finally a good time for me to leave. I felt bad, really. Just like a sorry would mean nothing in this case.

I talked face-to-face with my manager. I let all my anger and sadness out. I've talked about this too with the other boys. They were mad at first, they had no idea how could I make a serious decision so easily without thinking about all those beautiful people outside there. And it broke my heart.

I have never wanted to let anyone down because of me, but sometimes I have to care about my own feelings too. And I felt like I couldn't make it anymore. I had no control of my career, of my own self, and of what I want. I had anxiety growing in me. I ended up having problems with my eating habit because that was the only thing I could control back then.

And so I gave up, just like that. Through the arguments and tension in the air, I told them all my own reasons why I wanted to leave the band. And by the time that had passed, they were finally begin to understand.

The most complicated were my feelings about Liam. It was never easy for me to step out of his life. To be honest, Liam was the most annoyed one with my decision out of the other three. I know how does it feel like for being left by.. It is exactly hurt. I told him this was for the best but still, it was hard to let me go he said. But I'm glad he is finally okay with my decision now, after weeks. I just don't want anybody to be sad. I want to make everyone proud but with my own way.

So I have a plan about going as a solo singer. Because it is where my true passion is, I wasn't just accepted in the band. Still I need to consider about it more, but I also need to rise again. But then again, I don't want to rush things.

I've been writing so many songs on my own, even ever since when I was still in the band. But sadly, someone leaked the copy of one of my songs. Now people are probably thinking that I'm a traitor, only using One Direction for fame that it would make me easy to start a solo career, and everyone is going to hate me for being such a jerk.

Now I've been hoping for some of them who will truly accept me and my decisions, because I would be very thankful if there's any.

I actually have finished this one song since a long time ago, nobody knows because I was thinking it'd better if I keep it to myself until the time is right. And I secretly wrote this song  about my true feelings about my love life. I just really want to show everyone how badly I want to go further with Liam but they just won't let us. We're not even allowed to talk about this to public. Though there are so many people are into the concept of me and Liam being together, that they support us for being together. I really want to tell the fans, saying it is actually true that me and Liam love each other but haven't made it official yet. But of course I can't say that. I'm free now but Liam is still under their control. It means we will never ever can go transparent to the public and telling all the truth with no care in a meantime.

***

I'm logging in to my twitter account and scrolling down my timeline. People miss me, that I notice. And I can do nothing about it. So I just type a tweet to tell them that I am fine and that I'm thankful for everyone who didn't stop to be there for me.

Wanna say thanks to everyone that's been there for me over the last few weeks,  love you all.. you know who you are x

And I just want to chill a little due to all the tensions for the past weeks so I tweet another,

The x is a kiss by the way ha it's not a mystery .. sorry to any confused ...

Suddenly my notification goes wilder than usual. I can't help but smile at my supportive fans. Because it's true, without them I would mean nothing. I move to check my dms. Load of messages I'm getting here and it's impossible for me to reply all of them unless I want to lose my thumbs. Besides, I don't know how to reply them, I just don't want to let these beautiful people down, though I already did. So I just read them one by one, as many as I can. Most of them are talking about my solo career, even some are asking me to come back to the band.

I'm logging out my twitter and put my phone on the nightstand. I try to get all negative thoughts out of my mind. At late night like this, I tend to always think about all those haters. My heart hurts to see all their death threaths. I  can't sleep easily like I used to anymore, and even if I manage to finally asleep, I will always am waken up by bad dreams.

What seems to be an hour passed, and I decide to grab my phone from the nightstand and text Liam. But before I can send the message, a new message popping.

From: Liam
I'm glad you're back on social media

My heart melts. Late night texting is always the best and thankfully Liam is still awake.

To: Liam
I just want to know what's up ..

From: Liam
I thought you were asleep already

To: Liam
Can't sleep :(