I Won't Mind - Ziam (major editing)

Chapter 29

He strokes my hair, caressing my scalp. It makes me feel so sleepy. But when I'm about to drive myself off to sleep, he starts a conversation with me.

"I'm gonna head back to London soon," I blink my eyes open, humming at him. He looks at me with the sweet smile he would always like to wear to me. "Actually I'm planning something huge."

"What it is?" I ask him with a curious tone. He strokes my cheek in his big hand and leaning closer until our lips touching. I kiss him back softly.

"It has something to do with your family." He whispers between the kisses. "Mhm, tell me then." He only give me a fond smile, without saying a single word. I wonder what is his plan. Does he planning to take my family on a vacation like he did last year again?

I stir myself a little, looking up at him. "Liam, I swear if your plan is about taking my family on a vacation, you better save all your money for our wedding party instead."

He's looking at me funnily, "hmm.. you'll see." I frown at that. "Seriously? You're making a huge plan with my whole family and nobody has told me what it is??" I put my hand on my chest, clutching, pretending to be hurt. But it only makes him chuckle and shake his head, "stop being a drama queen."

I cross my arms, still frowning at him. "Someone is optimist about the wedding.." He rubs my cheek with his thumb, smiling fondly. "Of course I am," I snap.

He wraps the blanket tight around us, pulling my body closer to his. "Tell me what do you want for our wedding?" He asks me softly.

I'm thinking what would it be, what would my wedding look like. I used to dreaming the superheroes theme but, it was probably too childish for me and him nowadays. I haven't thought anything since yet, never expected Liam would bring me to this kind of conversation. "I don't know.." I answer him bluntly. He only gives a sweet smile, "that's fine, I'm sure soon you will know."

He then sits himself up, taking my arm out of the blanket wrapped around me. He massages my upper arm, I sigh softly at the feeling. He helps me to sit as well, he moves behind my back and starts to give a real nice massage to my shoulders. "I was actually about to sleep," I giggle.

"I see you've been stressing out." He says to me softly. "What about?"

I only keep myself quiet. I just can't spill all my feelings out to him, he would be confused either have no clue at all. All this time I'm only hiding in my safe zone, never ever wanted to guide myself out of the zone.

Honestly, I haven't gotten myself recovered yet since I left the band. These things are still feeling new to me and I feel like a stranger. It's so strange with a lot of rumours about me going around, each day getting worse I might burst in any second.

Part of me was glad that I left, but a little part of me regret that I did. People nowadays are setting their minds up with the negative thoughts about me. I'm extra uncomfortable with the judging eyes shot by them. Like, I will be always the one to blame.

And lately, I've been worrying about my career. I'm scared to death if actually people wouldn't like or even pay an attention to my music. How would they react to my music? Would it be good? Or the opposite? I just really scared that I would fail anything I've worked.

"Zayn." He calls out for me.

I blink my eyes for several times, but then shake my head. "It is nothing.." He rubs my back, keeps massaging my side. But at some points, he stops himself from massaging me. Instead he wraps his long, muscular arms around my waist and pulls me closer to him until my back touches his chest. "Answer me honestly," he asks.

"Have you really felt okay already?", suddenly it feels like he can read my mind and sense everything around him. I'm starting to afraid but luckily it is only him. "I know it's been so long, almost six months since you left. But I just want to make sure that you're actually okay and truly happy now."

"I am happy.." I say quietly.

He takes my jaw in his hand slowly, "don't lie to me, Zayn. I can see that you're still as broken as the last time we talked about this. Yes you've been teasing me a lot and joking around but I know you were never meant every single of them. You're just avoiding these whole problems and pretending to be as happy as normal people could be. But in fact, you are still broken inside.

I understand you don't want to show your sadness to people again, and I'm proud that you do. To be honest, you are the kindest person I have in my life because you actually never wanted to let anyone down. But it is also not healthy for you to keep it to yourself. You know you have me now, so please talk to me." He begs.

I nod my head slowly, he is right. This is really not healthy for me to always keep it all alone. In some type of ways, my body starts to get tired easily and my mood turns up and down in a matter of second. But I just thought he would be mad or bored if I bring this topic up again.

"Stay for one more day, and I promise I will talk to you tomorrow."