After a troublesome and traumatic past, (Y/N) (L/N) joins the Armed Detective Agency as well as operating a part-time job at their family's nearby cafe. After dealing with everyone's shenanigans for countless months, (Y/N) seems to expect their life...
TW: Cursing, Suicide (Dazai), Suggestive Dialogue (Naomi) SW: A Certain Bomb (A Certain Explosive) RI: Osamu Dazai, Atsushi Nakajima, Doppo Kunikida
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You were peacefully sleeping until a loud ringing sound shattered your thoughts. Slowly but surely, you begrudgingly picked up your phone that was next to your bed. You lazily put the phone on speaker and grumbled, "hello, what do you want?"
"(Y/N)! Good morning, my love! How are you?"
"Ah, Dazai, you sighed, "I'm good. Do you need something? You usually don't call or even wake up this early."
"Actually, I am in dire need of help! You see, I got myself stuck in an oil drum whilst trying to commit suicide and no one I've called will help me get out. I might die," Dazai explained.
After groaning in annoyance, (Y/N) replied, "well congratulations, I guess, you dumbass..."
Dazai, seemingly realizing what you were about to do, exclaimed, "w-wait, don't hang up on-"
"Have a pure, cheerful, and energetic suicide, Dazai! Goodbye!!" You quoted his personal motto hung up before he could continue talking.
He'll live... I know it.
You smiled as you curled back into your covers, enjoying your morning before suddenly your phone started ringing again. You let it ring and eventually fade out into a much-deserved silence. The peace was only momentary though, as ringing soon filled the room again.
With more groaning and angrily yelling at your phone to stop, you eventually picked it up after five more missed calls. Before Dazai could even speak though, you yelled out, "GODDAMMIT! STOP SPAM-CALLING ME FOR GOD'S SAKE DAZAI YOU-"
An elderly voice replied back over the phone, "(Y/N). This is Fukuzawa."
YUKICHI FUKUZAWA ABILITY: ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL LIKES: CATS, BEEF HOT POT, ALCOHOL, EQUALITY DISLIKES: FEUDALISM
"O-oh..." you nervously chuckled before exclaiming, "good morning, boss. Sorry, boss." In your brain, you couldn't help but repeat one thought over and over; oh shit, I'm screwed. Oh shit, I'm screwed. Oh shit, I'm screwed.
"It's alright (Y/N). I also got a call from Dazai earlier this morning, same with everyone else in the agency," Fukuzawa explained.
"Oh thank goodness," you sighed in relief before asking, "do you need anything done, President?"
"Yeah, actually..." Fukuzawa said, voice calm like a river flowing through a valley. "We need you at the Armed Detective Agency to help with a new recruit's entrance exam."
~-•-~
Meanwhile, elsewhere in Yokohama, Kunikida was busy strangling Dazai after reading out three of the many complaints the suicidal maniac had received. Atsushi watched, clearly unsure about whether he actually wanted to accept Dazai's help or not.
