LOVE LANGUAGE: EN- BOOK 1: SUNGHOON

30: Back Tracking/Dreams

Angel POV

I feel terrible. I won't be telling my mom that I'm quitting Ice skating... and I'm not going to Korea. I can't leave mom, she'll hate me forever. She'll treat me like she does dad, like a nobody.

I don't know what's worse my mom's hatred or Sunghoon's disappointment.

I just want to crawl into a hole and forget about everything. I wish Sunghoon would've never confessed to me, and I wish I'd never confessed to him. I hate it here!

"Angel! Angel" Sunghoon oppa gestures to the waiter, bringing out of my thoughts. "Can I have... chicken Alfredo please" I say in English and look at Sunghoon. He points to the steak and mashed potatoes.

"And steak and mashed potatoes please" the waiter looks between us. "Alright anything else?" We shake our heads "Okay! I'll be back as soon as possible" he walks away and I lay my head down. "Is something bothering you?" Sunghoon asks me. "No, I'm just super hungry is all" I say.

"Okay..."

Why does he have to be so sweet?! Now I feel worse! Why am I so scared of mom?! I can talk to dad so easily but mom? That's like trying to calm an American lion speaking Thai.

Sunghoon grabs my hand suddenly and interlocks our fingers. "Whatever you're worried about, don't be. I'll be with you" he says making my heart ache.

Oppa, I hope you'll forgive me someday.

"We'll be together" he squeezes my hand.

The Next Day

I wake up from the guilt. I slept for only 3 hours last night! I have to tell him today because he leaves tomorrow.

I don't want to.

I silently leave my bed and pace around the living room.

This is my karma! This is my karma for... something. Maybe I don't deserve the happiness Sunghoon gives me. The universe is cruel! Teasing me with happiness just to give me an ultimatum that takes it away for someone else.

What could I have possibly done to deserve such torture?! Leave the country without my mom's permission!!! Is this really the right kind of punishment for that? I only did it... twice. I'm getting dizzy.

I stop pacing and sit on my couch. My door opens revealing a bed head Sunghoon. He appears to clear his vision before walking to me, he sits right on top of me. "I don't wanna gooooo!" He hugs me and I pat his back. "Get ready" he sighs before heading to the bathroom.

~~~~~

I sit and try to eat but resort to poking my eggs. Guilt is not an eater. "Why have you been acting like this?" I look at him, confused. "Huh?" He puts down his fork. "You've been acting distant and gloomy. Have you lost feelings for me?" He looks me in my eye.

"Why would you say that?" "I tried to kiss you  and hold your hand yesterday and you didn't want to" I shake my head. "That doesn't mean I've lost feelings" "I tried to think, maybe she's still nervous or shy in public but this feels different from before"

I don't know what to say to him. I haven't lost feelings for him, my mom will hate me forever if I go with him.

"Are you going to say something?"

I regret every life choice I've ever made right now.

I shake my head and we finish eating in silence. Until we finish eating and he starts again. "Then what other reason could there be for you to act like this toward me?" He asks his eyes full with water but I can't say it, I don't want to say.

"Sunghoon oppa"- "You're not going to Korea are you?"

How did you know?! I was gonna tell you.

"Have you been lying to me this whole time?!" He cries and I immediately shake my head. "I was gonna tell you. My mom"- "Angel what about you?!  You've been going on and on about your mom! I like you, Angel! Not your mom" I cry in anger and sadness.

"Sunghoon oppa, I really want to go with you" I say through my tears. He wipes his face and grabs his bag. "My Uber is outside" he starts to leave but I hold him back. "Oppa. Oppa, you have to forgive me" I hug him tightly

"I never lied to you. I meant everything I said to you, please forgive me" he gently lifts my hands off of him. "I'll never not forgive you" he says before leaving.

Will I be able to forgive myself?

~~~~~

There's a knock on my door. It's dad. "I'm so proud of you. I can't believe my baby is moving to South Korea" he lets me go. "Dad, we're you always going to be a lawyer?" I ask as we sit in the couch. "I thought so" he says.

"What do you mean?" "Everyone thought I was supposed to be the next Kobe or Micheal or Shaq of my time. Sure I was good at it, the best damn player on the team but I wasn't really into that" he says.

"You know I was basically just like you. Doing something someone else wanted me to do but if you stop and do what you want you'll be happy" he squeezes me next to him "don't I seem happy?"

"But mom broke up with you and you couldn't see me as much" I say and he shrugs. "That just made me cherish you even more now" he stops and looks at me "how'd you know that?" I turn directly to him. "At my comp I was looking for you guys and overheard" he hugs me and kisses my forehead.

"I guess you would've found out eventually" "Dad. I'm not going to Korea" he stops hugging me and looks at me. "Why not? I thought you wanted to?" He says. "I did, I do" "Was that Sunghoon kid?! What did he do?" I shake my head.

"It wasn't Sunghoon, it was me. Before you came I told him I wasn't going" my dad holds my hand. "What happened then?" "I don't want mom to hate me if I leave like she hates you" I tell him. "Angel, look at me" he makes me look at him.

"you're mom will never truly hate you even if you killed somebody. Yes, she'll be irritated that you're not doing what she wants but how will it benefit you making her happy?"