Mate for you [a Kyle O'Reilly story]

5 Why now?

Kyle POV

"That all went pretty well after all. It's going to be a blast tonight," Adam said to me and Bobby as we headed back to the locker room after rehearsing our match.

I had to admit that he was right. Even though it was still hard for me to be happy about such things. There was just too much going through my head. My thoughts were more with Amy than with the work. Even though we were avoiding each other at the moment, I couldn't say I liked it. It wasn't the best solution for me, but I tried to stick with it. No matter how hard it was for me after that night at the restaurant.

"I'm sure it will be," I agreed.

Before either of us could add anything else, we saw Britt running towards us quite agitated.

"Baby, are you okay? Did something happen?" asked Adam immediately, of course.

"It's about Amy. We were in a meeting. And she was totally distracted throughout the whole thing. She was staring at her phone most of the time. When Anna asked her if everything was okay, she burst into tears. We tried to calm her down, but we just couldn't. I thought Kyle might have an idea to help her calm down," she explained and then looked at me pleadingly.

Even though I had no idea what might have happened, I didn't hesitate for a second. I ran in the direction I knew where the meetings were taking place. Before I even opened the door, I heard Amy sobbing. I pushed the door open and my heart sank into the pit of my stomach at the sight.

Amy sat on the floor in the corner of the small room with her arms wrapped tightly around her knees. Her face was wet with tears as she rocked back and forth in agitation. She seemed totally beside herself.

I rushed to her side and knelt close to her but without touching her. I wasn't even sure if she even noticed me.

"Okay, give her some room to breathe. Get out!" I ordered everyone present and they quickly did what I said.

"Amy, look at me! Come on, please look at me!" I said quietly to her.

But nothing happened. She seemed to be caught up in her thoughts. Every sob that shook her was like a stab to my heart. What had happened?

Then I had enough. I gently slid my arms under her and pulled her onto my lap. Immediately she clung to my shirt and buried her face against my shoulder.

I stroked her back soothingly while assuring her again and again that all would be okay and that she was not alone.

At one point she just started talking. It seemed like she was talking more to herself than to me. I listened attentively, even though I didn't expect what I heard.

"My mother left me when I was three years old. She just left and never came back. She left me alone in a filthy, cold, dark apartment. With a letter. She wrote... she wrote that she had stopped loving me. That no one could love me. That I was a burden. If the neighbor hadn't heard me crying, I would have died for sure. She didn't care," she whispered.

"What? But your parents are such good people!" I replied, shocked by the information.

"They're just my adoptive parents. My biological mother didn't want me anymore. Maybe she never loved me. She wanted me to die." Amy said softly.

So that was it... The big secret she never wanted me to know. It was horrible.  Even though it didn't make sense for me to hide something like that. After all, it wasn't her fault. She had only been a little child.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" I asked gently as I continued to rub her back.

"I couldn't. Not without telling you everything. I'm ashamed of myself. She's the reason I don't want kids." she replied so softly I could barely understand her.

"But... what does one have to do with the other?" I wanted to know.

"What if I'm just like her? What if I don't love my baby? What if I do something to it? I don't want a child to remember how I left it to die and it can only be saved by luck. A baby needs to be loved. I can't love it. I am broken. My mother couldn't be a mother. And I inherited this. I can feel it. I have no place in a new person's life. All I would do is poison the child's life. Just like my life was poisoned. Just look at what I've done to us." she whispered.

"That's the reason? You think you are like that person?" I asked.

I felt her nodding her head. She truly believed it. She believed she had to punish herself. But I knew she would never do such a thing. Not only because she obviously knew better, but because I knew she was capable of love. The fact that she was afraid was the best proof of how compassionate she was.

If only she had explained it to me, then I could have helped her understand that this wouldn't have happened to her.

"Why are you telling me this now? What changed your mind?" I wanted to know.

It didn't make sense to me that it suddenly burst out of her so violently, since she was always so determined to keep this secret.

"Because I'm pregnant." she breathed.

Again she burst into tears. Amy's head was pressed tightly against my chest as she said these words. Normally I would have been happy to hear these words, but she made them sound like a death sentence.