the favor | clexa AU

thirteen

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A minute must've passed.

Or five.

Or ten.

Maybe even twenty.

Lexa was praying Clarke hadn't opened the letter, or that she'd slipped a wrong one under the door, and she swore she would never do anything that reckless ever again. Something she'd been thinking about for 10 years and now it felt even worse than she'd thought it would. Her pillow was soaked with tears by the time a soft, timid knock sounded against her door.

Lexa didn't reply or went to open it. She just buried herself further in her bed. But Clarke still came in after a while.

The door closed with a very quiet clicking sound, and then Lexa was so scared that Clarke was in the same room as her that her whole body was as tense as it hadn't probably ever been.

The mattress shifted a little when Clarke sat on it and the bed creaked very little. God. Lexa must've looked like a goddamn fool, crying into her pillow and hiding away after giving Clarke a note completely voluntarily.

Fingers woved into her overly messed up hair. Combed it, brushed through it, loosely braided it and unbraided it again. Hands lifted Lexa's head into Clarke's lap. Carressed it for what seemed forever. The softest eternity Lexa had ever lived through.

Then, Clarke slipped away from Lexa. A few seconds passed that each created a new kind of anxiety, softenend by Clarke's arms that wrapped around her torso and just held her close a moment later. A gentle kiss was planted on Lexa's forehead.

Lexa wondered if it was simply pity or meant to actually comfort her.

"You're an idiot," Clarke whispered and Lexa's heart just crushed again.

She shouldn't have said anything ever.

She knew best Clarke was far out of her league and had endless friends that probably all worshipped her. Maybe she even was dating someone. Yeah, most certainly she was. Someone like Clarke didn't have a hard time giving up being single.

"Such a huge fucking idiot."

Lexa was starting to cry again. A hiccup was muffled by Clarke's shirt, but her body shook with soft sobs anyway. "I'm sorry," she finally managed.

Would she need to move out? God, would Clarke move out and tell her partner all about how stupid Lexa was? Leave Lexa completely alone?

(Yes, Lexa overlooked the major lack of logic in her idea of Clarke and a relationship, with her herself sleeping with Clarke, who absolutely wasn't a cheater.)

"Lexa baby, do you know what I was fighting most with when you asked me to sleep with you?"

"That I used you to have experience."

"Wrong. That I wasn't sure I'd be able to get my hands off you once they were on. That I wouldn't manage to hold back on my feelings."

Quietness.

One beat of silence, two, three.

A shaky breath.

"Your what?" Lexa choked out, and felt like in some cheesy romance movie. Where everyone was in love and had a happy end.

"I wasn't born knowing I was bi, Lexa, but I did see you with your blue flannel and glasses on walking into history class at the start of 8th grade."

"What?"

"God I was such a simp," Clarke laughed, absentmindly stroking through brown hair. "But you were all eyes for the highschool cheerleaders. So I became one too, once we started freshman year. But you never looked at me the way you looked at the other girls. And when Finn asked me out as juniors... well, I was the cheerleader captain and he was the quarterback. I had to say yes. And I was trying to move on from you. But then I instead moved in with you after highschool for college and here we are now."