Secret Lovers

Why Can't We

Just as promised Ben was always there whenever Miranda asked. Even sometimes when she didn't ask, honestly she never had to ask he just did whatever he felt was necessary to help her. Despite his help she felt depressed.

The reality of being a single mom at 50 years old was hard even though she knew Ben would be there. Losing a 30 year marriage even though she didn't want to be married to him anymore. And when she and Tucker told Tuck he didn't want to speak to either of them for awhile. And the pregnancy hormones just exacerbated everything that she was experiencing. Miranda laid in bed cuddling her body pillow she'd just purchased and crying.

Ben walked down the hallway like he did almost every morning and used his key to unlock Miranda's door. He started keeping nutrient supplement drinks and making smoothies with them for her to drink in the morning. They didn't have to work today but she still needed it. When Ben walked in Miranda was usually already up but it was quiet. He slowly walked to her bedroom and the door was cracked.

"Miranda," he called out before walking in.

When he pushed open the door he saw her laying there cuddling her purple body pillow and crying.

"Miranda what's wrong?" Ben asked as he walked over and placed the smoothie on her nightstand.

Miranda wouldn't look at him, "nothing is wrong Ben," Miranda answered as she wiped her face in the pillow.

"If nothing is wrong then why are you crying?"

"What does it matter to you Benjamin? Just leave me alone," Miranda cried.

Ben felt bad, he'd noticed that she seemed depressed lately but he didn't want to get involved. He knew that if he did the feelings he has for her would take over again and he didn't want that. But he had to stop being cold because she needed him for more than just for her health needs.

Ben got in the bed, got behind her and wrapped his arms around her. "Ben noooo," she cried.

"I'm sorry okay....I know I've been cold and that hasn't been helping you. We can work towards being friends again and you know I'm here for you," Ben whispered in her ear.

Miranda didn't answer because she was still crying. Ben pushed her shirt up and rubbed the belly bump that was finally growing. He was excited that they would get to find out the sex of their baby next month.

Ben continued to just hold her and rub her belly until she wasn't crying anymore and she'd fallen asleep. Ben honestly was tired himself because he'd been picking up extra shifts so that he'd have more than enough money to furnish the nursery and buy all the things the baby would need. He knew that Miranda would want to buy certain things so he just wanted to be able to purchase most of everything and she not have to think about it.

Ben woke up confused because he didn't realize he'd even fallen asleep. Miranda had turned over and her face was buried in his chest. He just stared at her and played with her hair, she looked so beautiful. This was all he ever wanted, moments like this but he wished that it was for different reason. He leaned in and kissed her forehead and she stirred a little before pushing her leg between his so that they were closer. He leaned further and kissed her lips softly because he missed the feeling and taste of them so much. Miranda woke up a little and moaned as she kissed him back. They kissed slowly and deeply and Ben traced his tongue around her lips asking for entrance but Miranda put her hand on his chest and moved her face away.

"Ben....don't do this just because I'm feeling depressed. I don't want pity intimacy with you, I want the real thing. I'm sorry if you ever felt used because that was never my intention but don't try and do that to me please," Miranda expressed.

Ben rubbed her back and kissed her lips softly again. "I'm not trying to give you pity intimacy Miranda. Honestly I miss you....I miss us and laying here with you is making me feel how I genuinely feel. I've just been so mad and I guess I've been trying to make you pay for how mad I feel about you not choosing me and I'm sorry. But if I'm going to be here for you I have to be here for you emotionally too. Because at the end of the day you became my best friend and I want that back. But we can take it slow with us becoming more again," Ben expressed.

"I wasn't going to stay with him, I just needed to figure out how to convince him that we were no longer for each other. And when I found out I was pregnant it became the best way to tell him everything because then I knew he wouldn't want to fight for us anymore. I chose you....you were just being impatient," Miranda said.

"Can you blame me for wanting the woman that I love," Ben said holding her closer.

"The other day Tucker and I told Tuck about the divorce and he asked why. I didn't want to lie to my baby so I told him, he was very hurt and disappointed. He said somethings that were hurtful for a mother to hear from her child and he said it would be awhile before he wanted to come home and visit. So he's not coming home for the summer," Miranda said getting choked up.

"I'm so sorry Miranda. He loves you so I know he will come around," Ben said.

"Tucker did something that I didn't expect. He didn't let me take the blame for everything and he explained how he wasn't the best husband and Tuck said somethings to him too that I think hurt his feelings."

"Well I'm glad that he didn't try to let you take all the blame. But Tuck is probably not going to like me very much," Ben chuckled.

"He is a lot like me so initially yes you can expect him to come at you but he might warm up to you," Miranda reassured.

They were quiet for awhile as they continued to cuddle. Ben occasionally rubbing her lower back while Miranda kept her face his chest while resting her abs or chest.

"I've never been a single mom before. Especially not a single mom at 50 years old. I still can't believe that I'm pregnant," Miranda expressed.

"You're not a single mother Miranda, you know that I'm going to be here," Ben replied.

"Well you said that we were only going to be friends Ben. Stop trying to confuse me, we either are just friends or we're together."

"It's almost 2pm and I know for a fact that you haven't had any food because I've been with you all morning so let get up and eat something," Ben said changing the subject.

"Can I make my own food choices today or are you still my dietitian?"

"Are you actually going to eat today?"

"Yes I'm craving a hamburger, fries and a strawberry milkshake," Miranda said cheerfully.

"I guess we can make that happen," Ben replied.

Ben ordered the food that Miranda wanted and they got up and went into the living room to watch tv. When the food came they sat and talked.

"Ben you never answered me earlier," Miranda stated.

Ben looked up at her, "Are we going to be together? I can't believe I'm even repeating myself because I've never been one to beg."

"I think that's because you love me," Ben teased and Miranda threw a french fry at him.

"Miranda I never thought I would end up falling in love with a married woman. I basically became your side piece Miranda," Ben said frustrated.

"Do you think I just woke up decided that I wanted to cheat on my husband? I can't help that I fell in love with you too. And you were begging me to divorce so we could be together. I wasn't even having sex with him once we were officially together. Now I'm here in the process of divorce, pregnant and you don't want us to be together now," Miranda fussed.

"I just keep thinking about if I were in that situation how mad I would be and I did it to another person's marriage. I do want us to be together again eventually but I want to wait until you're not married."

"Ben....I'm literally carrying your child don't you think it's too late?" Miranda said moving her hands trying to understand.

"I want to start over and do it properly. So for now we are just on a best friend level like we were before," Ben said.

"Okay," Miranda said as she rolled her eyes.