Secret Lovers

Getting Back To Us

Ben sat on the couch in the therapist's office feeling nervous. He'd never been to therapy before but he needed a different perspective because he really wanted to move forward in his relationship with Miranda.

"Greetings Dr. Warren, I'm Ayanna Washington.

"Oh just call me Ben."

"Okay Ben, so tell me what we're here for?"

"Ummm well over a year ago I met this woman at the hospital I work at, her name is Miranda. She is a surgeon as well and I knew immediately that I was attracted to her. After some lite conversation over food in her lab I learned that she was married. I wanted to respect that so we were just friends. But the more we spent time together the more attracted I became and I quickly fell in love. She felt the same way too so we tried staying away from one another. We eventually started having an affair and I couldn't handle sharing her with her ex husband so I wanted us to go out separate ways. But she decided to end the marriage and then we found out we're pregnant. We have a baby girl on the way which I'm excited about because I've always wanted to be a dad."

"You talk as though you're together and everything is fine now that she's divorced. So what are the issues that you're having with this situation?"

"I love Miranda with all my heart but it's like now that she's divorced I'm having a hard time with the fact that I helped her cheat on her husband. Even though it wasn't a good marriage, I've always seen myself as a moral and honorable man... being in an affair takes that away."

"You are human and even some of the best humans make mistakes".

"Yes, but that was something that I always said I wouldn't do. I'm a everything is black and white type of guy, there is no gray...."

"Until you met Miranda and fell in love. Now you're in a gray area that you didn't think would ever existed for you. And you don't feel like the moral and honorable man you thought you were anymore. How has that affected your relationship with Miranda?"

"Miranda is my best friend and the love of my life. But I—I've  been punishing both us by not letting us be together. Just taking our relationship back to the friendship stage."

"And how does Miranda feel about your decision."

"She doesn't like it at all but she respects the boundaries I've put in place."

"Ben do you feel like maybe because she cheated on her ex husband, that this could possibly happen again?"

"Oh no, I don't feel that way at all. Not to sound too confident but I know that Miranda is in love with me the same way that I am with her."

"So it's just about feeling like you failed at remaining in the character of who you consider yourself to be?" Ayanna asked and Ben nodded in agreement.

"Are you at all religious Ben?"

"Ummm not really but I grew up Christian so I guess I still follow some of those beliefs to some degree."

"I would agree that you do. So consider some of the people that the God of the Bible used. People that Christians and maybe even some non Christians admire. Their stories seem pretty impressive. If you read closely, were they perfect or did they make some pretty big mistakes at times?"

Ben sat pondering for a moment, "Yeah I guess they did. Moses killed a man....and David slept with another soldier's wife and had him killed."

"Well at least you didn't go as far as David did," Ayanna said with a slight giggle.

"And David doing what he did, it didn't keep God from using him. So to some degree he was still the honorable, chosen man that he'd always been even with his mistake."

Ben just sat there thinking about everything Ayanna had just said. "But David didn't go without punishment for what he did....they lost the baby," Ben said slowly.

"Well we're not going to go that far. I don't believe that God is going to take your baby away because of this mistake. And sometimes tragedies happening in life doesn't necessarily coincide with the mistakes we've made. But do you get the overall lesson behind this?"

"Me being a moral and honorable man doesn't exempt me from making big mistakes. But it doesn't mean that I'm not good because of what I did. Honestly falling in love with Miranda wasn't the mistake. I just wished that I didn't help her have an affair."

"Im not saying that you having an affair was right. But if you and Miranda didn't have the affair, she might have never left the marriage even though it wasn't serving her well. And you wouldn't be having your baby girl. It's time to forgive yourself and stop punishing yourself and Miranda."

Miranda came home from work and she was exhausted. Her feet were swollen so much that she was afraid she wouldn't be able to take her sneakers off. When she walked in she saw there were rose petals all over the floor and she was confused.

"Ben," Miranda called out but didn't get an answer.

She followed the rose petals to the bedroom. When she stepped into the bedroom, candles were lit and music was playing softly.

"Ben," Miranda called out again softly.

Ben stepped out of the bathroom and he smiled slightly. "Hey baby."

"Ben what is all of this," Miranda said holding herself up against the dresser.

Ben gestured for her to sit down on the bed and she did as he instructed. Ben kneeled down and began slowly taking her shoes.

"Oh my God! That hurts," Miranda groaned.

"Sorry baby," Ben said.

"No it's not you, my feet are just swollen. Ben why do you keep calling me baby? What's going on?"

"I had my therapy session today and we were able to work through my issues in this first session. I want to say that I'm sorry for punishing you along with myself for what happen. I don't regret falling in love with you but I've always considered myself to be a moral and honorable man. Having an affair is something I never saw myself doing. And I know it's stupid that I would come to this revelation after we already had the affair."

Miranda just looked at him as if she agreed with his last statement. "Ben you are a good man no matter what. We all do things wrong sometimes. Hell I'm the one that cheated but I've made my peace with it and I apologized to him."

"I realize that now and that I may be a little self righteous. But I love you with my whole heart and I don't want to continue keeping myself from you....from us and the love we have. I don't just want you to be my girlfriend, I want you to be my wife Miranda."

"Does this mean we get to have sex again? Because if so yes, a million times yes. Masturbating has helped but I can't take it anymore. I need my man....my husband. Is that insensitive to be thinking about sex? I'm sorry," Miranda said caressing his face and Ben chuckled and shook his head.

"All the sex you want Miranda, and I'm throwing Stanley away," Ben said rubbing her thighs.

"Okay, can we do it tomorrow though because right now I just need this foot rub and to go to sleep," Miranda said leaning back on her hands.

"How about a bubble bath to soothe your aching," Ben suggested as he pointed to the bathroom.

"Okay, yes to the bubble bath. And can you rub me down in my favorite lotion when I get out?"

"Absolutely," Ben said as he kissed her lips then started taking her clothes off for her.