Love me till the end

15

"Ano?"

Hindi ko maiwasang maging emosyonal habang nagkukwento si Chloe. Palagi raw siyang umiiyak at hindi makatulog nitong mga nakaraang gabi.

"There was always a voice whispering in my ear... I'm scared. Hindi ko na kilala ang sarili ko, Callie," She cried again. "I always find myself drowning in sadness. Yesterday, I saw myself in the mirror, holding a knife, pointed at my... neck."

Tumulo ang luha sa mata ko kaya niyakap ko siya para hindi niya makitang umiiyak ako. "I'm sorry kung wala ako sa tabi mo."

"I'm tired," she whispered. "My body is tired, Callie."

"Please, don't say that," I sobbed. "I'm here, okay? I love you." I couldn't stop myself from crying out loud.

"Dad..."

"Chloe," Kumalas ako sa kaniya at nakita kong nakapikit siya habang patuloy ang pagtulo ng luha sa mga mata niya.

"Nakakapagod maging anak mo. Nakakapagod humingi ng atensyon mo. Kahit gusto ko nang piliin ang sarili ko, hindi ko pa rin kayo kayang iwan!" Nakapikit pa rin na sabi niya. Nakinig lang ako sa kaniya. Chloe needs someone to listen to her. "Ang sakit sakit because I wanna hug you, pero parang hindi ka handang maging tatay ko."

Mas lalo akong nalungkot dahil sa narinig ko.
Chloe deserves the love she wants. She did not deserve all this pain. I do not know what to do. I knew that a tight hug was not enough to calm and relieve the pain in her chest.

"Si Callie, she already has Clarke to take care of her. Mahal na mahal siya ni Clarke. Callie is Clarke’s world. Aria is dearly loved by her parents. Maraming nagmamahal sa kaniya." Chloe slowly opened her eyes. "Pero ako, no one loves me. I am trying my hardest to not act how I feel. I am tired," Tuluyan na siyang bumigay. Humagulgol siya at muling yumakap sa 'kin. "And it is so awfully difficult to feel sad and tired when all you want is to feel alive."

"Hindi 'yan totoo. Mahal ka namin. You are enough for us. We are here, we appreciate you." Marahan kong hinaplos ang buhok niya. "The sun doesn't always shine in our favour, or may not shine at all, but she comes out everyday and she keeps trying to shine brighter than the day before...you are the sun, Chloe. You’re not alone. I may not understand exactly how you feel, but you’re not alone."

"Callie," she leaned her head on my shoulder. "Stay here."

"Dito lang ako," pinunasan ko ang luha sa pisngi niya. "Magpahinga ka muna sa kwarto, Chloe." Sambit ko sa kaniya.

Tumango siya at tumayo na. Inalalayan ko siya sa paglalakad hanggang sa makarating kami sa kwarto niya. Nang mahiga na siya sa kama ay lumabas na rin ako ng kwarto. Inayos ko ang mga kalat sa living room. Habang pinupulot ko ang mga kalat sa sahig ay natuon ang atensyon ko sa isang papel. May nakasulat doon kaya kinuha ko at binasa.

"I think about dying but I don't want to die. Not even close. In fact my problem is the complete opposite. I want to live, I want to escape. I feel trapped and bored and claustrophobic. There's so much to see and so much to do but I somehow still find myself doing nothing at all. I'm still here in this metaphorical bubble of existence and I can't quite figure out what the hell I'm doing or how to get out of it."

That letter was written a month ago. Ibig sabihin, matagal na siyang may problema, hindi niya lang sinasabi sa 'min.

Huminga ako ng malalim at ibinalik na ulit 'yong papel sa loob ng bag ni Chloe. Pagkatapos kong mag-linis, nagluto naman ako. I also texted Clarke to update him. Habang nagluluto ako, my phone suddenly rang. I thought it was Clarke, but it was mommy. I answered it.