Struggling with an Ed

4.

When this first started i was just starting 14
Now I'm freshly 15
It hasn't been long, i know. I mean maybe it has and i just didn't realize it but still.

For me i had made myself do this.
I did this to myself
Maybe it was because of what people used to say but i blame myself 100%

I know it's fucked up and i knew what i was getting into and i still did it.
That was the first mistake.
Maybe one of the biggest mistakes I've made.

It was embarrassing how i used to be. I thought i  was all high and mighty and I'll get skinny and be ok!

Nah.

I remember i told myself "I'll just loose a couple pounds and then I'll be fine, i wont let this get bad"
Spoiler alert! Those "couple pounds" weren't enough LOL

During that time i was also literally dating someone with an Ed. Like how fucked up can i be to give myself an Ed even though i knew what they were going through. Like are you kidding me .

It used to be super hard for me to go for a "long" period of time and then i would literally binge after fasting and eat the entire day. I'm pretty positive i had a binge Ed earlier on and prob when i was younger and i just didn't know.

I had originally stopped after like 2 weeks bc i just kept binging and not doing shit so i gave up.
But then like 7 months ago i started actually looking at myself and noticing what i looked like and that's when everything started up hardcore ig?

i was still dumb asf and thinking that i wouldn't be controlled by what the scale said but a couple months after i had realized i was wrong.
I think the like "oh shit" moment for me was when i noticed how much weight i lost and what was happening to my body.

I've always known this was bad, but when bad shit actually started happening to me i got scared.