I just want to be perfect
I want to look in the mirror and be happy with the body I see . I want to see it and not want to change anything about myself or think that I need to keep starving because there's still so much fat.
I want to be happy with myself
how much longer will it take for me to finally love my body?
how skinny do I need to be
how much longer do I have to go to bed starving
how much longer do I have to deal with the stress and panic from someone bringing up food.
I know my bodies fucked. I know my organs are all probably failing and my heart is going to stop beating but I can't seem to actually get that through my dumb mind. I know that I'm dying but the only thing I seem to care about is my body
no ones going to care about my body when I die they'll care about the person I was. why am I getting to the verge of dying over something no one cares about.
how long am I going to keep going with this?
how long am I going to not enjoy life.
I don't want to do this but I'm terrified of recovery. I don't want to loose all the progress. I don't want to gain back all the weight I lost and more because I starved my body for so long.
I'm a tiny bit more confident with my body but I'm still not happy.
what is it going to take for me to finally be happy?
YOU ARE READING
Struggling with an Ed
PoëzieTW For the whole book!!! This is just a book of what goes through my mind as someone with an undiagnosed eating disorder :)
