its tiring to look in the mirror everyday and see something you hate
I know my body has changed but its not enough. I always tell myself just keep going, soon ill be happy with what I look like, soon ill be skinny enough. ill be sick enough.
it never happens though
its never going to be just a little more
ill never be satisfied with what my body will look like and I know that. I still try every day to get the body I crave for, the number I crave to see on the scale.
the happiness only ever lasts for a little bit.
I remember after reaching my goal weight I was so excited, I was so happy because I was getting close to being even skinnier.
that only lasted a couple minutes though.
I didn't really know what to do in that moment, of course I couldn't tell anyone because no one else would be proud of that but I was.
I thought I would feel happier or feel different, skinnier. but I didn't. I felt the exact same as I did before I stepped on that scale and saw that number. I felt like the same person
the same person I look at in the mirror and cry over
the same person who feels disgusting in their own body
the same person who still felt fat.
after those couple of minutes I had already gave myself a new goal because reaching that one goal wasn't enough, its never enough.
I'll never be enough for the nagging voice in my head
that nagging voice will always be disgusted and disappointed and so will I.
YOU ARE READING
Struggling with an Ed
PoetryTW For the whole book!!! This is just a book of what goes through my mind as someone with an undiagnosed eating disorder :)
