The Road that leads to Somewhere

Chapter 16

Chapter 16

"Shit babe, that's heavy" Libby said, as we both sat in Starbucks with Lauren and Tegan. All of us had just demolished a piece of victoria sponge cake and were sipping on hot chocolates with whipped cream.

I had just filled the girls in on the events of the last few weeks. Libby knew most of it but Lauren and Tegan hadn't a clue so they were shocked to hear about Jamie.

Since this had all happened, I wondered how I would react to someone telling me such bad news about their life. If Libby told me something bad was going on in her family or either of the other girls told me about a tragic event, I'd like to think I would be sympathetic and there for them, but what would my initial reaction be? What is the correct way to react to something like this? They all knew how important Jamie was to me, so what should they say to this news? I had no idea, and I didn't expect them to know either, so I took what they gave me.

"Is he going to be ok Beth?" Tegan asked, taking a sip of her hot chocolate and looking at me with soft eyes. She was obviously going for sympathy, which didn't surprise me with Tegan. She was an emotional person and always seemed to carry the burden of problems of those close to her.

"I hope so, the doctors have said that they have found it before it has increased in size, so they are booking him in for surgery to hopefully remove the entire tumour, they then assess it afterwards and he may need radiotherapy should they not be able to remove the whole tumour but they are fairly positive that won't be the case" I explained in a bland tone of voice.

It might seem from my explanation that I was optimistic and feeling strong about the whole thing, but I wasn't on the inside. As much as I was told that he had a good prognosis, I couldn't forget the idea of Jamie having brain surgery. In any circumstance it is risky surgery and I couldn't stop the wave of panic that would overcome me at the thought of him never waking up from this operation. Explaining things in this clinical way enabled me to talk about it without working myself up at the same time.

"Well that's good news then, sounds like this could be over in a few months and everyone can move on," Lauren said with an encouraging smile on her face. Her reaction to the news didn't surprise me either. Ever the optimist, Lauren always saw the most positive outcome in any situation, even when there were no positive outcomes.

"Hopefully" I offered, with a shrug and half a smile. That was all I could muster, for anyone. Jamie was the only one who got a full smile from me, partly because he deserved positivity around him right now and partly because I just couldn't help but smile when I was around him.

I know, I know I'm getting myself in too deep here. He is still with Ruth and I am still trying to keep up appearances when I am around her, but she doesn't even try to be strong for him. Whenever I see her she is holding back tears or full on crying so if she can't do that for him when she needs to most, I will be strong. I will try to be what he needs.

"So the girlfriend is still kicking around then?" Libby asks and she gets one of my half smiles. That is typical Lib, cutting to the chase and just asking what everyone is thinking. I love her for it.

"Yep, still around and still not being any help to Jamie at all apart from being a burden, I constantly see him comforting her or soothing her like its her with the fucking brain tumour, it gets on my nerves" I said with more force than I intend.

They all look at me and then at each other and I know what they are all thinking.

"Babe, please be careful with him" Tegan comments and I put my head in my hands. I don't want this conversation with them but I know its coming.