The Road that leads to Somewhere

Chapter 23

Chapter 23

We hardly leave my room for three days. I call in sick to work, this seeming like the best time to use a fake sickness and I would rather suffer through going to work with a future cold than missing these first few days back with Jamie. To anyone else, nothing extraordinary happens during those three days, but to us, we are getting to know each other again and catching up on what we have been up to since we were last in each other's lives.

The feeling of getting to know someone that you have known your whole life is a difficult one to describe. I have the comfort of knowing him better than anyone else, but getting to know the man he has grown into, is both exciting and exhilarating and I feel like I am falling in love with him all over again. However, this time I don't feel scared, or overwhelmed by my feelings. I embrace what I am feeling with gusto and I start to enjoy this time rather than feel like it is wrong some how. It makes all the difference in the world and leaves me feeling the most content I have been for a long time.

On his fourth day in Edinburgh, we decide to take a walk into the old town and find a coffee shop to have lunch in. We haven't seen daylight or breathed in fresh air for days so it feels nice to clear out the cobwebs.

I tell him about my forced blind dates over coffee and cake and he laughs at the predicaments I found myself in.

"I mean, he lived with his mother, which I could maybe get over, but he turned up to the date with dirty trainers on, jeans that were too short for him and a t-shirt that smelt like he had been wearing it for a week without washing it" I explained to him, almost gagging at the memory while Jamie threw his head back, hysterically laughing. The sound hit me in the gut and a wave of love for this man washed over me, "Seriously, it gets worse, the slogan on the t-shirt said 'I have a PHD' and on the back it said 'Pretty Huge Dick' " I chuckled with him, trying to hide behind the muffin I was currently eating. Although, talking to him about all this is not even embarrassing. It's like talking to my best friend, and then it hits me.

He is my best friend.

"I'm sorry Bee, your face as you're telling that story, it cracks me up" he grins and I can't help but grin back. It reminds me that although we have this amazing chemistry between us, I enjoy his company so much. Even more now that I am free to touch him whenever and wherever I want to.

"I don't even know why Lib and Lo would set me up on that last one when they knew you were coming less than a week later" I ponder, as I stroke my finger round the coffee cup. He sits facing me, his hands steepled in-front of him, his elbows leaning on the table in between us.

"Hmmm, maybe to make sure you didn't suspect anything, I told them not to tell you anything" he mumbled, moving his hand closer towards mine and starting to play with my fingers.

"Yeah, maybe" I replied, feeling soothed just from him stroking my hand. Suddenly a thought occurs to me and my eyes shoot up to his. Like he can feel my change in demeanor his eyebrows draw together in a frown, "Shit, you are single right? You haven't left some poor girl back home, wondering when you're coming back?"

"HA, you're joking right? Of course not, I am completely and 100% single, I haven't been with anyone since Ruth" he assured me, picking up my dropped hand and kissing my palm, holding it against his lips.

"What happened with Ruth? When did you guys split up?" I asked, and even though a pain shot through my heart at the thought of them, I wanted to know the answers because I wanted to know all of him, and Ruth was a part of him once.

"When you left, although physically I was recovered and getting stronger everyday, I still felt sick to my stomach every morning when I woke up, and that feeling intensified every time Ruth would come over to look after me and I quickly realized that it was because she wasn't you" he leaned again on one his elbows, now staring at me intently, "I knew that I was never going to stay with Ruth, I feel bad that I used her to get over you, but I was just waiting for the right time after my surgery to end things with her.

"Anyway she kind of beat me to it, she could tell that things changed when you left, I wasn't smiling as much, I wasn't as optimistic and she knew I was missing you, so about a month after you moved, she sat me down and told me she was ending it before she invested anymore time in me when my heart wasn't even with me anymore, that someone else had it and she didn't want to lose her heart completely to someone who couldn't give her theirs in return"

"Wow, that's intense," I said softly. I secretly thank Ruth in my head for being so selfless. I know she loved him but I am pleased she will eventually find someone who feels for her the way Jamie feels about me. She deserves it.

"She was right, I gave my heart to you a really long time ago and you have kept it safe for me ever since, and I am so goddamn lucky that you never gave it up even when I was a complete idiot" he leans over the table and kisses me softly and a single tear escapes the corner of my eye, "Hey, come on darlin', no more tears okay?"

"Okay" I nod and give him a small smile.

"Do you wanna hear a story my mom told me while I was preparing to come here?" he asks and I nod eagerly, ready and willing to hear whatever he wants to say.

"She told me about the first time me and you ever met"

"Really?"

"Yeah, you were about 4 years old I think, and me and your brother had been friends for a few months when we were transferred into the same class at school but I had not met you yet, and apparently Dan was over at my house playing after school when your mom came to fetch him and she bought you with her.... I remember you coming actually and you hiding behind your moms' legs, you seemed so small and fragile and I wanted you to not feel scared, mom told me that I gave you one of my action men and told you he would protect you, and you smiled and stepped away from your mom and said thanks

"Apparently from then on, when you were around, my eyes never left you, I was always watching over you" he finished the story and my heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest. I remember the action man and suddenly always feeling safe in Jamie's presence. For a shy child like I was, his words and actions helped me so much, but I had no idea the effect it had on him too.

"Jay... I don't know what to say" I try to swallow the lump in my throat and I am overcome with feelings and emotions for this man, this boy that I grew up with and that I want to continue to grow with for as long as he'll let me.

"You don't have to say anything, just know that you have held my heart since then and I love you, more than I could ever describe to you, you mean everything to me and I promise to take over from action man now and protect you for the rest of my life" he looks deep in my eyes and I pull his hand forward, resting my lips on his palm and speaking into his hand, hoping he feels my words as much as he hears them.

"You have always been my protector, you took over from action man a long time ago" I smile and he chuckled almost sheepishly, "I can't imagine my future without you in it, I was kidding myself into thinking I could move on when really there is no moving on from you, no one has ever come close to you, I love you so much I physically feel it in every fiber of my being" I lay everything out for him to see and I feel naked even with all my clothes on. I feel like we have both laid our souls bare to each other for the first time and there is no going back from this now.

He scoots his chair round to sit next to me and he kisses me, portraying to me everything he has just expressed to me, through his lips, right in the middle of the coffee shop. It warms my heart that we can now do this freely. We have been holding back on taking things too far too soon. Our relationship, however passion filled has never been based around sex, and although the way he looks at me sometimes makes me want to rip all his clothes off, we both had a lot to sort through, and our bodies are the final thing we can give each other.

He pulls away, biting his lip to hide his cheeky grin and his dimple appears in his cheek.

"What's with the grin?" I ask, not being able to hide my own.

"Well I was wondering if you would like to go on a date with me?" he looks at me hopefully but also a little apprehensively. "A proper date I mean"

I nod enthusiastically, "God, yes of course I want to go on a date with you," I lean back in to smash my lips against his and I realize in that moment that this is it. Life doesn't get much better than this feeling.