Let Me Let You Go // Billie Eilish

nineteen

Billie's Pov

After the night when I had a talked with Reign, things started to changed like how the way it should be. I don't know if I should confront her this time but I was afraid. Afraid that I might end up losing by my own self and these feelings will win over me. I can't choose both Maverick and Reign. They we're different in many ways and I know I'm being unfair if I'll continue to keep this from Maverick. Beside of it, he's starting to doubt at me.

Many people said  "You'll never be able to find yourself if you're lost in someone else's" is it true tho? Cuz in fact I'm so lost right now.

I know that the best thing I should do is to let these feelings go and focus on him only. But why does it still hurt everytime I'm thinking about Reign and I if we will go back together again. I was locking myself inside my room for almost 3 days in a row. Maverick is starting to get worried about me and also my parents. I tried to shut them all cause I badly need some time to think.

These nights, I find myself crying. Especially when I finally knows the truth why did Reign gave up on us and the fact that she followed me in Japan... I felt guilty and regretful for not letting her atleast explained herself to me. I let my hatred ate my whole system. I was so hurt and angry at the same time.

I was laying in my bed when I heard someone's knocking at my door. I didn't lock it in purpose so my maids can check me anytime and gave me something to eat and they never failed to take care of me. I also treated them as part of my family.

"Can I come in?" I lifted my head when I heard a familiar voice and sat up.

"Hi mom." I greeted her with a weak smile as I wiped my tears away. She smiled at me and went to sit beside me.

"How are you?" She asked and then held my hand. i only looked down in our hands as my tears fell on the.

"i don't know what I should do anymore Mom." I confessed she immediately pulled me into a hug. I cried in her arms like I wanted to end these pain. She tried to make me stop and I did knowing that I've been like acting like a baby and forget that I am a grown up woman.

"It's alright sweetie... " she said and we both pulled away from our hug. Mom put a strand of my hair behind my ear and looked at me to scan my face.

"Look at you... You'll lose a percent of your beauty if you keep crying like a kid again."

"Mom." She chuckled and shook her head.

"I'll be more beautiful than you sweetie so better take a shower and wash your face now." She added and I pout at her.

"I'm not a baby mom."

"yes you are. You will always be my baby and I don't want to see my baby crying again." This time she soften her gazed on me and I can say that every mom is the best mom that we can have. I hugged her again and this time I managed to smile.

"Thank you Mom for staying and understanding me."

"Ofcourse. We just want our children to be happy cause that's what parents dream of for their child. But Billie..." I pulled away from her and looked at her confusingly.

"You should face Maverick now. You're not living in the past. Reign is in the past now. I'm not saying that you should forget about everything about her but this time, try to think about what is the best for the three of you." She said in concerned tone and I was convinced that she's right. I'm not living in the past and the present and future is more important.

"I will talk to him Mom. Thank you." I said as I smiled at her. She nodded her head and kissed my head before she leave my room.3

So I think I need to be honest now. Not only for myself but also to Maverick. He doesn't deserve these. He was too good for me and hurting him is the least thing I will do. I took a shower and get dressed. I'm planning to talk to him after breaking our connection for a week. He deserve an explanation. I hope he will understand me.