💜 YOUR FATE IS WHAT WE MAKE 💜 (18+) TAEKOOK {complete}

Chapter 21

Bizarrely, when Taehyung is alone, hiding in his own room, it's not that hard to deal with Jungkook's disappearance from his life.

That's because all he has to do is close his eyes and he's right there with him, swimming and floating happily in their ocean of shared, deeply loving, happy memories. Since Taehyung's still off from active duty while recovering from the operation, he can do that whenever he wants to, all day, all night and there is always a warm, loving embrace waiting for him.

The love from both of them is overwhelming, too much to contain within just one heart.

The move is so automatic by now that Taehyung doesn't even realise it when his fingers brush across the pocket over his heart where the little note sits comfortably in its permanent nest. He takes it with him wherever he goes, whatever he does. Which is not a lot, these days.

When Taehyung has to leave the privacy of his room, the safe haven of his sweet memories, reality hits a hundred times harder.

That's because there are people out there.

People who know.

People who look at him with eyes full of pity.

But worst of all...

There is him.

Seeing him is when it hurts more than Taehyung thought it ever possible for anything to hurt.

When he sees the dark eyes he so loves -has always loved- look at him like he's a stranger.

That's all it takes for those happy moments he's been drowning in to be torn from his hands like they meant nothing. Every time he sees Jungkook, is like having his heart torn out of his chest, again and again.

All because the eyes he knows better than anyone's, don't look at him right.

Those eyes don't see Taehyung, to those eyes he's just another man, anyone...

Those eyes don't look at Taehyung like he is the love of their life -chosen many times over.

There are moments when Taehyung forgets.

They are only small moments in between big ones where he just pretends everything is ok. Between moments where panic, anxiety and immeasurable weight of the guilt over the beautiful memories Taehyung carries for the both of them.

Half of them are not his, they should never have been his and now they are his biggest blessing as well as his harshest curse.

To have the memories but not the man, to not have the man because of the memories.

In his worst moments, his very deepest, darkest, angriest, most desperate moments, Taehyung feels he is the reason Jungkook is gone. It's as if he killed him. Taehyung is the reason why Jungkook, as a man with history, no longer exists.

It's his fault.

If Jungkook had loved him a little less, he'd still be here.

In these detached, unreal moments, Taehyung forgets that the man is very much still right there, with nothing missing but his memories.

It's late.

Usually, Taehyung comes to get his food earlier, when there are more people about. When it's busy, it's easier to hide in the crowds of the dining room and stay anonymous in a place where everyone knows everyone.