Anything Goes (Scomiche)

Best Friend

Two updates in 24 hours whatttt!?

Anyways, this ones a bit personal. Sorry. NeedEd to get it out I guess.

Hopefully No Strings Attached update this weekend. I make no promises though.

And I don't know what is up with wattpad and this weird spacing..

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I've known Mitch for a better part of half my life. I can hands down tell you that he's my best friend. We even have that rule where if we were 40 and still single we'd get married and adopt lots of cats. We even figured out what our last name would be and where our honeymoon would be.

Our families met at some gathering when we were young, and ever since then, he's been my right hand man. My parents considered him as their adopted child and vice versa. One of the few people that I felt like I could genuinely be myself around and not care. I could tell him anything and everything. He's seen the good, the bad, and the ugly. I could usually always count on having a good time when I was with him.

We'd have all nighters just laying in bed talking, not even realizing the sun was coming up.

We'd have dance parties, Disney movie days, or wine nights.

We'd do each other's makeup, make weird videos, take long drives with the windows down, music blaring, singing our hearts out.

We'd be brutally honest when it was needed, gave ridiculous code names for boys when we wanted to talk about them in public without anyone knowing.

We'd try new things together, knowing that if shit went down the drain at least we'd go down together.

If I wasn't home, you'd find me at his house. Except for those nights when he would let me use him as the excuse for where I was going for the night to my parents, when it was probably someone else's house or party.

We held each other's secrets close, each other's hearts closer.

I've been there for him whenever he needs me, no questions asked. Not long ago him and his boyfriend broke up and he called me crying at midnight, leaving their shared apartment and driving to his parents house. As soon as he told me where he was going, I threw some shoes on, grabbed my keys, and met him there. He cried while I held him through most of the night and talked trash about his ex. Letting him know how great of a person he is, smart, funny, handsome. It was all true.

When said boyfriend, or ex boyfriend, came into the picture I was so happy for him, even when that pushed me and our friendship to the side, I still smiled, because I knew he was happy and that's all that mattered to me.

When his grandmother passed away and he couldn't go to her funeral, we stayed at his place and watched romantic comedies while eating an unnecessary amount of junk food.

The thing is, I'm questioning our friendship more and more.

Sometimes I feel like he doesn't deserve me, like he doesn't appreciate me nearly as much as I appreciate him.

He may have seen the good, the bad, and the ugly, but he only stuck around for the good. Anything other than that, he was gone.

Like when my first crush broke my heart, I tried calling him, wanting someone to talk to, to cry with. It rang twice, got sent to voicemail and I got a text message later saying 'you'll be fine.'

Or when my parents separated. That night when my dad told us he was moving out, I called him wanting to come over, to get away from home, but he said he was too tired.

How he would take my weaknesses and use them to his advantage. He could guilt me into doing anything. He would make me feel like such a bad friend for not doing what he wanted, so I ended up doing it. I never told him that he made me feel guilty, but I would always think, he should've warned me to pack my bags for the guilt trip he was sending me on.

Or how even though he knows I have anxiety when in big crowds, especially at bars, with the drunks everywhere, hitting on me, grinding on me, or just being too close in general. Just thinking about it would make me antsy. But he always got mad when I wouldn't go with him. When I wouldn't be his designated driver so he could go off and get drunk again. How I 'wasn't any fun' and needed to 'go out and be a single lady for once.'

Or how he always came to me last. I'd hear lines like, "No one will hang out with me, will you?" Or "I've asked everyone else already, but do you want to hang out?" Making me feel like the greatest person.

Or how for days on end he'd ignore me. Ignore my texts, calls, tweets. That usually coincidentally happened when I was going through something.

Or how he always gave me bullshit excuses for not hanging out with me. He'd tell me he had to do something for his mom, or had to go with his boyfriend somewhere, or didn't have the money to go out, but would be on every social media right after that talking about what he was really doing and how much fun he was having. He'd really throw it in my face with pictures too. It would be one thing to tell me that he didn't want to hang out, I'd be fine with that, I can handle that. It's another thing to lie. He lied to me on multiple occasions. But God forbid I give him a straight up answer about why I don't want to hang out or can't hang out because I already have plans. He brings on that guilt trip.

Everyone knows friendships work both ways, one person can't be all in if the other one isn't. Its a give and take, and I think I've given all I can. It's mentally and emotionally draining. I for one, have done everything in my power to be the best friend I can be. I know that I have. That's how I would want to be treated, that damn golden rule.

Sometimes things can be so, so good, and other times things are so, so bad. It's a bipolar friendship, toxic even.

I have cherished our friendship more than anything, I always considered it one of my best and most prized possessions. I've learned so much, made so many memories. He's been in my life for so long, and been such a big part of it, I don't remember what it was like without him.

But I think there comes a time where you have to stop trying. And it's not because I don't care, it's because he doesn't.

I'll never stop caring.

I just can't keep someone in my life who doesn't want what's best for me, or who doesn't care about my happiness.

But I know I will.

I know I'll keep him around because I'm comfortable. Because even though I know he uses me, even with all the shit he does, I still care.