i don't deserve this | dotae | nct | bxb

十九

  But I-“

  “Doyoung, don’t blame yourself,” 

  “No, Taeyong.”

  “Doyoung, it’s okay.”

  “Lee Taeyong!” Doyoung burst out as the impatience got into him “Listen to me!” Taeyong’s mouth hung half open and his eyes widened in shock and bottom lip quivering. Doyoung felt a prick to his heart, guilt jabbing needles into his sensitive heart.

  “I’m sorry for yelling, but hear me out,” He took two long strides to Taeyong and stopped in front of him before hesitantly ruffling the bundle of pink hair. Taeyong could only manage a few nods, his boba-like eyes watching Doyoung with worried eyes. Doyoung felt another prick to his heart. How could he yell at someone who cared so much? 

  “My Dad doesn’t give me pocket money and he doesn’t allow me to work. He feeds me enough and pays for my school fees but I wanted some extra money to spend on some little things…” Doyoung pulled his hand back to scratch his head, the familiar redness returning to his cheeks. “I offered my body for monetary rewards to Dad in the spur of a moment. Now…now I can’t get out of this situation.” Doyoung gazed shakily at Taeyong’s reaction. “I’m disgusting aren’t I? Now that you know, would you still want to…” Doyoung’s voice drifted off as the embarrassment and doubts sank into him.

  Taeyong smiled sadly at Doyoung and stretched his arms to invite Doyoung into a hug. Relieved when Doyoung welcomed Taeyong’s arms, looping his own arms around Taeyong’s shoulders. Taeyong gently stroked Doyoung’s neck as he whispered, “Don’t think things like that baby, we’ll get away from your Father together alright? He won’t do anything like this to you anymore. We’ll have nice normal mornings waking up to each other without worrying over your Father. Is there anything else you want to say?”

  Doyoung snuffled into the crook of Taeyong’s neck, the skin to skin feeling warming him up. Taeyong was like a hot water bottle, comfortable to warm up with. “It’s not that easy Taeyong,” Doyoung sighed sadly.

  “Why baby? Just tell me more if you'd like. I promise I’ll listen better from now on,” 

  Doyoung smiled at the nickname and assurance. “I haven’t told you about my Mom,” 

  “I did wonder about her.” Taeyong hooked his thumbs around the waistband of Doyoung’s loose pants and looked for Doyoung’s approval.

  “She’s always by my Father’s side.” Doyoung nodded certainly a few times.

  “She enjoys your Father’s company? Do they work together?” Taeyong slipped Doyoung’s bottoms off upon receiving the signal.

  “My Mother’s madly in love with him despite how many times she’s been threatened by him. She cares for me to some extent, never approving of my Father using me for his pleasure but she never did anything. Only offering me ointment and bringing a bowl of cut apples to my room.” Doyoung shivered slightly, leaning closer into Taeyong. 

  “Do you love her?” Taeyong kicked his underpants off with much difficulty, relieved when they finally slid down his legs.

  “Very much, she’s way better to me than my Father. She did little things like read to me and bring me to the park.” Doyoung let Taeyong guide him into the shower area, closing the glass door behind them. Taeyong started the shower, warm water starting off as a trickle and grew to a gentle rainfall. Doyoung heaved contentedly at the warmth. “My Dad uses that to get me to listen to him,”

  “He doesn’t love your Mom?” Taeyong asked gently, scrubbing shampoo through Doyoung’s charcoal black hair. 

  “Not anymore,” Doyoung had a relaxed smile on his lips as he felt Taeyong’s fingers soothing massaging his head. 

  

🧼🧼🧼
🛏🛏🛏

  Doyoung pulled Taeyong’s arm around him, snuggling backwards into Taeyong’s chest and sliding his fingers through Taeyong’s ones. His head was resting comfortably on Taeyong’s upper arm. He felt his company shuffle and shift his head into Doyoung’s neck. The warm breaths brought more comfort to Doyoung than he would have expected. The room had a warm glow from the new rabbit night-light at the bedside table. The ambience was lovely; Taeyong had drawn the curtains out to block the crazy lights from neighbouring dorm blocks. Doyoung was certain that there was a party going on at the room directly opposite their window.

  The disco music was slightly irritating but Taeyong’s breathing was even more comforting.

  “Baby,”

  “Yes?” Doyoung flushed slightly, liking the nickname very much. 

  “Will your Dad do anything to your Mom if you act up, like try to report him?”

  “I expect him to, so I won’t do anything if that sort.” 

  Silence settled between them. Doyoung watched the coloured neon lights that danced on their curtain. The party was wildin’ 

  “We should go to a school or dorm party some time,” Taeyong’s voice was growing huskier as sleep crept up on him.

  “You want us to go?”

  “Only if you want to.” 

  “We’ll see,” Doyoung’s flickering gaze on the neon lights was blocked by Taeyong’s sleeved hand which rested gently on Doyoung’s brow now.

  “Baby,”

  “Mhm?” 

  “Do you like me hugging you, touching you in general?”

  “Very much,” Doyoung turned over to hide his head in Taeyong’s chest. 

  “Have you gotten over the fear of people having contact with you?” 

  “You’re the only one who can hug me like this, and I still don't want anyone touching me.” 

  “I feel special,” Taeyong had a cute sleepy grin on his face which went unnoticed by Doyoung as he had stuffed his face into Taeyong’s warm chest.

  “You are.” 

author's notes

I feel like ending the story here or soon and making a book 2. I just feel like it.