Rough / L.H.

27.No Love

Did I edit this? Ha, no.

AMANDA

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The bright lights blind me momentarily even though my eyes are closed. My thin eyelids don't offer that much protection from the dazzling lights. It takes me a few moments to adjust to the level of brightness in the room. Once my eyes have finally fully adapted, I slowly flutter them open.

I look around the room trying to analyze and comprehend my surroundings.

I am in a hospital.

I start freaking out a little because I notice all of these tubes in my arms and I am covered in bandages. I touch my head and it is also bandaged. A strong pain in my head becomes visible to me after a couple seconds of consciousness.

What I failed to notice during my mini panic attack was that Ashton was sleeping on a chair in the far left corner of the room.

"Ashton," I croak out weakly.

He somehow manages to hear since he begins to stir in his sleep. He opens his eyes and searches for the source of the sound. His eyes finally land on me and much to my surprise, he does not look faced at all.

"Uh, hey, Ash," I mutter out awkwardly just trying to break the silence.

He nods his head but does not respond.

"Why am I in a hospital?"

"You were in a car accident."

"It was that bad, huh?"

"You were in a coma for a while so yeah."

"How long?"

"Three months."

"I was in a coma for three months?" I ask completely shocked to hear I was gone for so long.

"Yes."

"What happened while I was gone?"

"Nothing."

"How have you been Ash?"

"Fine."

"Even if I was unconscious, I still missed you."

"Mhm."

"Why are you being so distant and awkward? Did something happen while I was gone?" I ask completely clueless to the reason behind his lack of affection.

As if God or Satan had heard me and wanted to answer my questions immediately, someone walks into my room.

A girl.

Please don't be what I am thinking.

"Hey Babe, oh she's awake," says the girl when she sees me sitting up.

Oh, it was definitely Satan who heard me.

My heart shatters to a million pieces.

Babe.

Can I just go back into my coma, please?

She walks over to Ashton and kisses him on the lips. I turn away once she doesn't stop at just a peck and now is full on making out with him.

I can't bear to look at this. My heart aches.

"I'm actually pretty tired so if you could leave me alone that would be great," I plainly say, not even trying to mask my annoyance and pained voice.

This hurts me more than it angers me. He moved on and forgot me in only three months. Why was he here if he had already moved on?

She whispers something in his ear and he bites his lip and his cheeks flush. I cannot believe them. They disgust me.

You're just jealous; my conscious tells me.

Shut up.

I don't like your little tone and attitude that you are giving me.

Oh well, deal with it.

I can't believe I just had an internal fight with myself, I'm losing my sanity.

"Well we are going to get going, we have uh...stuff to do," Ashton says as he chuckles nervously.

I roll my eyes knowing exactly what he is referring to. I am tired of seeing their affection for each other. It is making me sick. They do not even wait for me to respond before they are out the door. They are eager to fuck each other of course.

Bastards.

He disregarded me so easily and without any remorse present in his facial expression. It breaks my heart to know that he moved on so quickly. It did not seem like he even cared for me at all.

It pains me immensely to know that.

A nurse comes in and she checks my blood pressure and other things I did not really pay attention to.

"Has anyone else been to my room?"

"A little short brunette girl and who I believe is her boyfriend, a boy with bright purple hair," she responds to me nicely.

"Sophia and Michael, but they aren't together."

"Well they're always together, holding hands, kissing. I guess I'm just mistaken then," the nurse says.

Oh damn, are Michael and Sophia together? What happened to Luke?

Has Sophia forgotten about Luke like Ashton has forgotten about me?

All of this is too much. What else happened in these three months?

It hadn't occurred to me until right now... My mom never came to visit me. She does not care about me enough. Why am I even shocked, after my father died she abandoned me. When I needed her the most, she left me to fend for myself.

She abandoned me because she knew I favorited my father over her. Even when my father was alive she pushed me aside, so it made sense that I would favor him over her.

That is not a valid reason to leave me like that. I needed the parental love and support after my father's passing, but she was not there for me. If she wasn't there for me then, what made me think that she would be here now?

She's not coming, and I have to accept that. My mother does not love me like I wish she did, and I also have to accept that. No matter how many times she displays her lack of affection towards me, I will always have hope that she will love me one day. I have hope that she will love me like every mother loves her only daughter.

I have never wronged my mother, yet I have never satisfied her either. Sooner or later I will have to give up.

I prefer it to be later.

My mother does not love me.

Ashton does not love me.

My father isn't here to love me.

But what hurts me the most is knowing that even though my mother and Ashton are here with me and my dad is not even living anymore, he still loves me more than they do.

Why did I not die in the accident?

Why am I still alive?

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A/N: Kind of a depressing chapter...sorry😅

But on a happier note, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 3K!!!!