Rough / L.H.

40.Normal

LUKE

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I thought a long night of sleep would be the remedy to my problems, but it was not. Well, maybe it would have been if I was actually able to sleep. While I laid in bed last night my thoughts were like race cars that did not have a track, bees during the spring in a field of flowers filled with pollen, a vase of water that is spilled in a vacuum with no gravity, I could not stop them from coming. The most irritating thing is not being able to sleep because your thoughts are running frantically.

I also have yet to call my mother or Sophia since she left last night. In all honesty, I do not want to call my mother because then that would mean everything that happened is real. Reality scares me. Reality means you have to face consequences and get off whatever cloud you are on. The absoluteness of yesterday's events is something that I do not ever want to face. They would only make me go to that part of my head where I stash away the terrible memories of my childhood.

No matter what my parents did to me, I have to be brave for myself and get this over with. I swallow my fear and reach for my phone.

My finger ghosts over the call button for seven days, or at least that is what if feels like. I could ultimately just pretend nothing happened and go on with my life never facing my demons. I could always just drown my demons and hope they do not resurface. Actually, I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim.

The tip of my long finger lands on the glass.

One ring. Two rings. Three rings. I get anxious and immediately regret my decision. Maybe I should hang up. No one is ever going to be there for me.

"Hello?"

"Uh, hi, hello."

"Luke?"

"Yeah, it's me."

"Is everything alright?"

"Yes... Well no, not really."

"What's going on?"

"Andrew."

"Your father?" As soon as those words traveled from Australia to America through the telephone, I wished they would have never existed. Because she is my mother and the last time we talked it was not the best situation considering my anger, I am trying extremely hard to not trigger or start anything.

"No, Andrew. He's not my father anymore, Liz."

"Son, you can call me mom. We've been over this."

"And what have I told you every time?"

"That's besides the point. You can call me mom."

"Well guess what? My mom would have never abandoned me. Would a mother do that? Huh? Would a mom let their kid suffer emotional and physical trauma on their own?" Well, so much for not starting anything.

"Luke-"

"No, there is no excuse. I get it, you were damaged as well but I was willing to help you. Why weren't you willing to help me?"

"I couldn't."

"Yes you could, but you didn't want to!"

"Luke, honey, you don't understand."

"Clearly I don't. I don't understand why a mom would be cruel enough to let a ten year old kid drown in their own thoughts and live their life in daycare if I was lucky. We didn't always have the money for daycare, right? So I would just stay at home, abandoned. Sometimes I'd just be in my room and I wouldn't even realize you were gone, or I would pretend I didn't know you were."