Rough / L.H.

42.Safe Place

A/N: ALMOST FORGOT TO UPDATE, oops!

AMANDA

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My relationship with Ashton is...complicated, confusing, and basically hard to describe. I do not expect for anyone to understand, because I do not either. One second I am in a coma the next I am in his apartment being swept off my feet.

Sophia was just assuming the worst when she said that he was only using me. I want to believe that he does actually care for me and he is not using me for any selfish reason.

"Can we talk?"

"About?"

"Us...whatever this is."

"Okay, let's talk then."

"Do you want an actual relationship with me again?"

"Yes, of course."

"Even after everything you said when I woke up?"

"I didn't mean that, I'm sorry about that, Amanda."

"It just seemed so real."

"It wasn't, I promise. I was messed up and I really didn't expect you to wake up."

"And obviously Isabella is out of the picture, right?"

"Yes, like I told you many times before, yes! She was a mistake. I wasn't thinking. You were basically gone and I just needed a distraction from my thoughts."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, we already talked about this. Why are you asking me again? I like you, a lot, Amanda. I want to be with you." He says while getting closer to me and grabbing my hand.

"I'm sorry. Someone just had me thinking."

"Doubting us?"

"Yes, I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. Are you sure you want this?"

"Yes, of course. I never wanted this to end really."

"Well you were in a coma."

I laugh nervously and say, "right, there was that."

"I am so sorry I made you go through all of that and all the horrible things I said to you. I'm sorry for all of those things."

"It's okay, Ash."

"No, it's not. I was being selfish. When you were...in the coma, I had decided I had to move on at some point."

"I understand that," I say sadly while looking down at my hands to avoid his stare.

"I want you to know that I was in your room everyday at the beginning and even when I wasn't I was still thinking about you." Hot tears roll down my face and Ashton wipes them away. "I'm not sure if any of our friends told you, but I had resorted to drinking because I could not handle the guilt and being without you."

"Ash-"

"That is where I met her. Because I was drinking so much, I wasn't thinking and I found comfort in being with her. My thoughts were clouded by the booze and I liked it better when I wasn't sober."

"I'm sorry, Ash-"

"Don't try to make me feel better, and don't apologize for my actions. You would not have gone out like that in that state if it wasn't for me. I was so harsh to you. I was upset, so I took it out on you and well Calum too."

"It's okay Ash, don't worry about that anymore."

"I don't know what I would have done if you didn't make it. It was my fault. You could have been at home or with me if I was able to control my anger. I was just so angry and it turned out so horribly."

"Ashton, it wasn't your fault."

"Don't say that. Yes it was. There is no way it isn't when you wouldn't have even been in the car if it wasn't for me!"

"Destiny. Maybe I would have gotten in the car for another reason, apparently this was meant to happen. You had no control over it."

"And then you were comatose for so long, Amanda. It hurt to see you lying there motionless because I couldn't control my emotions. You know what that does to a person?"

"I do actually."

"What?"

"Nothing, never mind."

"You can trust me, Amanda. I won't judge you or anything."

"Thank you, but I am just not ready."

"That's fine, I'll wait for you." My eyes turn slightly glossy because of this overwhelming warm feeling in my chest. Dark memories of the past and the warm ones of the present mix together and mess with my emotions. My body leaps into Ashton's embracing arms.

"Thank you so much, Ashton. You don't know how much this means to me." He does not say anything, he just holds me and rubs my back. This is exactly what I need right now. This reassuring feeling washes away the doubting thoughts I was feeling before.

"I'm glad this is going to work out, Mands," he says into my hair.

"Me too."

"So I don't know if we already are or not. Do I still...? I'm going to do it anyways. Amanda Young, will you be my girlfriend...again?"

I laugh at his choice of words, but then I kiss him.

"Yes, I will."

He lets out a sigh of relief and wipes the pretend sweat off of his forehead. "Almost thought you were going to say no."

"Haha, shut up," I say with a genuine smile on my face.

Ashton reaches for my hand and pulls me onto his lap. "You make me happy," he says while intently looking into my eyes.

I have never meant two words more than "me too".

"What happened back at the hospital and when we argued over Calum, or even my accident, that doesn't matter anymore. All that matters to me right now is you and what we have. It may not be healthy or safe to invest so much emotion into one person, but I don't care. I want to be with you and right now that is all I need. I don't need materialistic things or the reassurance of others, just you."

"Wow, Amanda. I didn't know you felt like that, but it's not a bad thing. It's okay to like someone so much, it feels damn good to let go and get lost with someone without having to leave your house."

"Exactly, that's how I feel. I can get lost with you, but I don't even have to move to do it. No matter where I am, as long as I am with you, I am at home." He holds me tight in his arms and kisses the top of my head just like I like it. This is where I like to be, in his arms.

My safe place.