Rough / L.H.

28.Alcohol

Guess what? It's not edited again. Oops.

ASHTON

✺✺✺✺✺

It is just easier this way. I have to be this way in order to move on. But she is awake now, so why do I just not go back to her?

I cannot.

I have moved on now.

I have Aman...Mikaela by my side now.

I do not like Amanda anymore, I can't. I caused her so much pain, I almost diminished her existence, her life.

I almost got her killed.

It would be selfish of me to take her back. I cannot be that prejudice and expect anything from her. I am the reason why she is even in the hospital. I am the reason why she was so freaked out to wake up. She has not woken up in three months, and I am the one to blame for that.

Slowly I have to forget about Amanda. I can't even stay friends with her because I'll just end up hurting her more. Amanda looked so fragile and confused when she woke up, it hurt me so much to see her that way. The whole act I have put up is going to end up helping Amanda. It is going to help her hate me and so she will try to forget about me.

I am not that great or that big of an impact on her, so it will not be that challenging for her to erase me from her life. My existence is not that important to her, and if she hates me, it will only make it easier for her.

Mikaela is going to help me.

Hate is going to help Amanda.

I do not know if I should ever see her again or if I should just slowly slip out of her life.

Whatever I decide will be for her better interest.

She does not need me. I do not deserve her. I have done enough. I have caused her enough agony.

I met Mikaela two weeks and half after Amanda's accident. I was at a bar trying to drown my sorrows in alcohol. My mind needed to step out of itself to be content. The only way I was able to forget about the pain for at least a short instant was with a lot of alcohol. When I say a lot of alcohol, I mean a lot.

I would spend most of my days at the bar after the accident. My body and mind craved that buzz that would help me forget for at least a little. The bartenders knew me by name and they would all take turns calling me a cab because I would get too shitfaced to do it myself.

One day I was sober for a longer period of time and I actually tried to socialize with the people at the bar a little. There was a girl eyeing me from the corner of the bar.

~Flashback~

I felt a slight buzz effect from the few drinks I have had, but I am still pretty sober.

There is this girl in a tight black dress that is looking in my direction. I do not think anything of it though. I could easily just look really stupid so that is why I catch her attention. Maybe the girl isn't even looking at me.

The bartender hands me my next therapeutic help and says, "that girl keeps checking you out, you should talk to her."

I scoffed and shook my head. Of course she does not want to talk to me.

She starts doing something that I did not expect...she is walking towards me.

Suddenly I care about my appearance, breath, what I am going to say, and just everything.

I have avoided talking to anyone since the accident.

This will be the first time that I have talked to anyone really.

She sits in the stool stationed next to mine and she simply smirks and bats her eyelashes.

I nervously wipe my sweaty hands on my black jeans and clear my throat. I do not really know what to do or how to talk to her.

She is wearing a black sort of skimpy dress that only covers a small portion of her thighs. Her face is covered with different substances, her lips are smothered in a bright red pigment, and her eyes have a black smoke effect to them. She looks over the top but I am not going to pass up this opportunity.

I finally gather enough courage to clear my throat and say, "hey."

She shifts even closer to me and whispers a small 'hi' in my ear.

The mere action causes chills to run down my spine. I have not had any attention in weeks, well months since Amanda and I never did anything. What a prude.

Right now is not the time to offend Amanda. Regardless, I am still infatuated with her.

I dismiss Amanda from my thoughts and place my hand on the girl's thigh.

I lean in really close to her ear and ask," what's your name beautiful?"

With the smirk even more prominent on her face, she grabs my hand and pulls it up higher on her thigh.

She gets gives my hand a squeeze and seductively says," Mikaela."

Heat rushes to my cheeks...and other places, but I try my best to play it off and still seem seductive.

My hand slowly creeps up her thigh until it is under her dress.

I can feel the thin lace in between my fingers. This is the farthest I've gone in a couple months so it is really exciting me, all of me.

She notices my discomfort in my pants and she intertwines her fingers into mine in response.

Her tall figure stands up and drags me with her. She pulls me through the crowd and out the door. I am sort of surprised that she did not even ask me if I wanted to leave with her or not. Then again, I did have my hand underneath her dress.

She continues to drag me until we reach her car. Immediately she unlocks the door and we climb in the back seat.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

A/N: This chapter is trash, oops, I apologize.

I am so sorry for not updating. I have just been so busy with school and ugh, I'm just sorry for not updating last week.😭