Rough / L.H.

30.Get Out

I ALMOST FORGOT TO UPDATE BECAUSE I FORGOT TODAY WAS FRIDAY!!!!

Chapter song: Eisley- Ambulance
I just love that song and it sort of fits with this chapter:)

AMANDA

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He does not care about me.

When am I going to get that through my hard head?

He does not love me.

He does not even care the least bit about me.

He has only showed up at the hospital to torment me.

Him and his little companion that he likes to parade around, just like she parades around her body.

Her skimpy clothes make sure to show how flat her stomach is. The stomach she probably starves herself for. News flash, no one wants to see that! Her boobs are always spilling out of her shirts that look like they were sized for my seven year old niece.

In the end I can say what I want, but it will not mean rat shit.

He chose her.

Not me.

I mean nothing to him now. All he talks about is that harlot.

I know I am only talking so badly of her, which is still all true, because I am jealous. She basically replaced me, actually she didn't 'basically' replace me, she definitely did. She is the person Ashton gets to be with and do all the things we used to. She is the person he cuddles, holds hands with, hugs, kisses and just shares affection with. It is not me anymore.

That hurts.

He has been stopping by every other day. I would be happy about that, but he always drags her along, and in the time they are here it is like I am not even here. Personally that does not make sense to me, since they are at the hospital because of me. They come into my room because of me, but they act as if my whole existence dissipated and does not exist.

They like to do this thing where they make out so obviously in front of me that I have to close my eyes in order for me not to cry on the spot. A small but deadly needle prods into my sensible heart every time I see their affection towards each other.

It pains me to see them together.

But without fail, every time they come, they are all over each other and displaying their sentiment towards each other.

I wish they would just stop coming and purposely bantering me. Realistically, no matter what, I don't mean that. I would much rather see Ashton's face connected to someone else's than not at all.

I cannot just eliminate Ashton from my life. He may have hurt me, and still continues to do so, but I truly still care for him.

Currently I am laying sort of limp on my hospital bed, waiting for something to happen. The nurse that is assigned to my room already brought me my lunch earlier, so there will not be a nurse coming into my room any time soon.

I set the tray beside me, disregarding all of its contents. Hospital food is the worst.

I have probably lost a lot of weight since I was in the accident. My body doesn't keep down anything that I eat, so it is merely pointless to even eat. The food that is provided here is foul anyways. My body definitely is weaker and more fragile. I have avoided mirrors as best as I can since I know I look very rough.

I understand why Ashton comes into my room and never even glances at me. If I avoid looking at myself, I do not see why anyone else would want to look at me. Even if I believe all of that, it somehow still manages to hurt me when he avoids looking at me.