Red vs blue Private Sam (on hold)

S1E15 How the Other Half Lives

Colors are dulled. Sarge is running up a hill, toward the camera confused.

Sarge: (with a slight echo) Hello? ... Hello? I said hello? Hello, is anybody out here?

Cut to Church looking very annoyed.

Church: (with a slight echo) Holy cow, would you stop yelling? I'm here.

Church runs up to Sarge as he looks confused.

Sarge: What is this place?

Church: Well, that's.. kinda hard to explain. Um... You were shot in the head, buddy. So, here ya are.

Sarge: Am I dead?

Church: Are you dead? Well, yeah, that's how I ended up here.

Sarge: Are you some kinda angel?

Church: (chuckling) Aheh heh heh.. am I an angel. Uh, (clears throat) yeah, actually, I am. I'm an angel. Um, do you wanna go to Heaven? 'Cause it's, like, ten bucks to get in.

Sarge: Well I, uh, I didn't really bring any.. I mean, my wallet's back in the car.

Church: Hey, you don't have it there, huh? Well uh.. that's too bad. Pretty crappy reason to be damned to Hell for an eternity.

Sarge: I don't remember dyin'.

Church: Yeah, that's my fault too. I was... sort of possessing your body at the time that you were shot. Sorry about that.

Sarge: Hold on a second, that ain't fair.

Church: Not fair? Yeah, join the frickin' club. I got shot by my own tank.

Cut to Sheila aiming at Church.

Sheila: Target locked.

Church turned towards her and glares.

Church: Oh ha ha, very funny Sheila. Shut up. You know I still haven't forgiven you. I didn't say you could talk to me yet. Go there, g-get, go over by the base. Shoo, shoo!

Church shooed her away, Sheila lowers her turret and drives off.

Cut to Grif and Simmons over Sarge's body in the real world; the picture is distorted, wavy anytime the real world is shown. Grif is over Sarges body, trying to wake him up while Simmons was standing up.

Grif: Sarge! Don't you give up on me soldier, do you hear me? I'm ordering you!

Cut to Sarge in "Dead World." Looks up hearing his voice and church follows his lead.

Sarge: Who is that? Who's there?

Church: Looks like your guys are trying to save you.

Cut to Grif hitting Sarge in the chest with the butt end of his gun panicked.

Grif: You gotta breathe, man! You gotta pull through! Come on, Sarge!

Cut to Sarge in "Dead World." Looks annoyed and yells out.

Sarge: That is not the way you were trained to do that, Private!

Church rolls his eyes and crosses his arms.

Church: He can't hear you.

Cut to Simmons looking annoyed.

Simmons: Grif, this isn't working. We have to try something else.

Cut to Church in "Dead World." Looking very annoyed.

Church: If he gives you mouth to mouth, I'm leaving.

Cut to Simmons getting an idea.

Simmons: ...Maybe you should give him mouth to mouth.

Cut to Church in "Dead World." Looking grossed out.

Church: I'm leaving.

Sarge: I can't believe how hard they're trying to save me.

Church looks at Sarge confused.

Church: Why wouldn't they? I mean, my team didn't, but, why wouldn't yours? Well, I can't really blame Sam because Sam was knocked out.

Sarge looked at him and shrugged.

Sarge: I thought they didn't like me.

Church: Aw, don't sell yourself short. I don't even know ya, and here I am about to guide you to Heaven for only five bucks.

Sarge realizes something and looks at church confused.

Sarge: Hold on, if you're an angel, how come you ain't got no wings?

Church grinned and makes a joke.

Church: Because nobody rang a bell, ah heh heh heh heh. Seriously, do you have the money or don't you?

Sarge looks disappointed and looks down.

Sarge: Oh, I feel the worst about Grif. I always made fun of him. I never even told him.. he was my son.

Church looks surprised and shocked.

Church: No way! The orange guy is your son?

Sarge gets out of his depressed state and grins waving his hand.

Sarge: Nah, I just wanted to screw with him one last time. But now I'll never get that chance.

Cut to Grif rising to his feet very happy with himself.

Grif: He's breathing! We saved Sarge!

Cut to Sarge in "Dead World." Looking up shocked with church following his lead.

Sarge: I'm what?

Church: He's what?

Sarge: Well, I'll be a monkey's... they saved me.

Church: What? No, come back! We need to even the sides!

Sarge: Thanks for your help, wingless angel fella! (voice starts to fade away) Will I remember any of this?

Church: Yes, but only if you give me two dollars!

Sarge regains consciousness and stands up between Grif and Simmons in the real world, the wavy effect is no longer present.

Sarge: (clears throat) There. What... What happened here?

Simmons: Sir, you got shot in the head, so we gave you CPR and saved you, sir.

Sarge pats Simmons shoulder and smiles.

Sarge: I always believed in you, Simmons.

Simmons looks at Sarge and points to Grif.

Simmons: Uh, actually, it's Grif you should thank, sir. He did all the work.

Sarge looks confused and looks at with a look that said 'are you serious.'

Sarge: Grif?

Simmons: Yes, sir.

Sarge drops his hand a looks at Grif annoyed.

Sarge: Grif, why in Hell would you give somebody CPR for a bullet wound in the head!? That doesn't make a lick of sense.

Grif rolls his eyes and crosses his arms.

Grif: (sighs) You're welcome, sir.

Sarge: I mean it's all so damn inconsistent! What would you do if they stabbed me in the toe? (fade to black) Rub my neck with aloe vera?