Red vs blue Private Sam (on hold)

S1E5 The Package is in the Open

Church, Tucker, Sam and Caboose are standing on top of Blue Base.

Church: Let me get this straight.. You gave this guy our flag?

Caboose: Is that bad?

Church: Bad? Oh no, that's not bad. Next time he comes over, why don't you just help him blow up the whole goddamn base?

Tucker: There, there he is.

They follow his gaze as Church lifts up the rifle.

Church: (looking through the sniper rifle) Where? Oh, yeah, oh, I got him. He's sneaking around back behind the cliffs.

Tucker: He must be one smart son of a bitch.

Cut to Donut looking around the canyon.

Donut: Oh, man, I am so freakin' lost. Where the hell is the base?

Cut to Church, Tucker, Sam and Caboose.

Sam: 'He, looks lost.'

Church: Oh, shit... Hey Tucker, look at his armor. It's red.

Tucker: Oh man, that means it's their Sergeant.

Sam: 'Huh, then I guess he knows what he's doing because Sargents are smart. (Looks at the others) Right?'

Church: Well, that makes sense. At least now we know how he got by our defenses.

Caboose: Uh, you know.. he came in the back door where you guys were standing.

Sam: 'Oh, I guess that explains why you sounded weird Caboose.'

Caboose just nods stupidly not understanding her at all as Tucker and Church roll their eyes.

Tucker: Yeah, okay, well let's take him out then.

Church: Roger that. Okay, say goodnight, Sarge.

Cut to Donut as Church shoots four times but misses.

Donut: (crouching) Son of a bitch!

Cut to Church, Sam and Tucker.

Church: Aw crap.

Tucker: ...

Sam: ...

Church: (turns to Tucker) ...What?

Tucker: You're REALLY not very good with that thing, are you?

Sam: 'He never really took the time to practice.'

Cut to Donut.

Donut: (shouting at Blue Base while waving the flag) Hey! It's me! Don't shoot! I'm the guy that bought the flag, remember!?

Cut to Tucker.

Tucker: Oh great, now he's taunting us. That's just embarrassing.

Sam nods agreeing with him.

Church: Alright, that's it, I've had it. Rookie, you stay here. Me, Sam and Tucker, we'll head through the teleporter, we'll cut him off at the pass.

Caboose: Right!

Church: Tucker, you ready? Let's go.

Tucker crosses his arms and glares at Church as Sam stares at the teleporter in fear.

Tucker: There is no way I'm going through that thing.

Church: Tucker, we don't have time for this. Why would they give us a teleporter if it doesn't work?

Tucker: I don't know, why would they give us a tank that no one can drive?

Sam: 'Good point.'

Church: We already tested the teleporter, remember?

Tucker: We threw rocks through it!

Church: Yeah, and, so what? The rocks came out the other side, didn't they?

Tucker: Yeah, but they were all hot and covered with black stuff.

Church: Oh, so I guess that's what this is all about then. You're afraid of a little black stuff.

Tucker: Yes. I am. I am afraid of black stuff.

Sam looks at Church and her eyes widened at the look he was giving her and knew what was gonna happen.

Church: Tucker, I almost hate to do this to you. (raising his gun at Tucker)

Tucker: You wouldn't...

Church: You know, I look at it this way: Either A, we go through there and get the flag back, or B, we stay here and I get to kill you. Either way, I win.

Tucker glances at Sam for a second before sighing.

Tucker: For the record, I want you to know, rocks aren't people.

Church: Duly noted. Now get in there.

Tucker: Crap... Alright. One, two...

Tucker runs through and doesn't appear on the other side.

Caboose: ...Huh, he didn't come out the other side...

Church: Yeeaahhh, I've uh- I've decided I'm not gonna use the teleporter.

Sam nods in a agreement as Church runs off the base to chase Donut with Sam following him.

Church: Okay, rookie, you stay here! We'll be back with the flag!

Cut to Simmons and Grif.

Simmons: I still have no idea what you're talking about. I didn't hear any shots.

Grif: (sighs) I'm telling you, it was four shots. Like bam, bam, bam.

Simmons: Wait a second, that's only three bams.

Grif: Bam. (sees Church and Sam through a sniper rifle) Wait a second, we've got a couple of Blues on the move out there.

Simmons: Where they heading?

Grif: (looks to the left) Oh crap. It... It's Donut. And he's got something... (zooms in) It looks like... (sees that it's the Blue's flag)...Simmons, get the Warthog.

Simmons: Heh, you mean the Puma?

Grif rolls his eyes and glares at Simmons.

Grif: Yeah, keep making jokes. That'll win the war.