I want to scream, smash things, tear out of this jungle I've woven for myself. I feel lost like I don't know who I am anymore, like I am a separate entity controlling a body. Except it's not as supernatural a feeling as I make it sound. I just don't know how else to describe it. Perhaps it is overload. Sensory overload, information overload. I feel like a train wreck that disobeys the laws of gravity and just keeps going, it can't stop and it won't stop. I can pause it but it always restarts. It's like I don't have a lot of control, self control, like if I don't keep going I will just crumble to bits and float away on the next inevitable breeze.
Fiction.
Music.
Creativity.
Learning.
Research.
It's all an escape, a whirlwind I don't know how to stop. I'm either distant or immersed wholly and there's no balanced in-between.
Should there be? I don't know. I feel stuck, and I am more than aware that im the reason im stuck. I hold myself back. I play myself down. I dig my pits, my graves, I wear those ruts in the road. It's all me and it keeps going, going, going...
What do I even think anymore?
All I do is procrastinate.
Sorry that this is trash. I just don't know lately.
YOU ARE READING
losing yourself
Non-FictionI'm not asking for empowerment, I'm asking you to listen. I think too much and I obsess over things that don't matter. Mature because I don't have a filter. Updated only when I feel like it. //I don't own the artwork on the cover, just feel like it...
