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but satisfaction brought it back

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...but satisfaction brought it back












Noelle was standing in her room. Her towel still around her. Her back to her bedroom door.

Noelle Swan was stuck in her place. She couldn't move. Not a single millimetre. She couldn't believe what had just transpired between her and weaselly younger sibling.

Her sister's handprint on her arm was her confirmation that the event was real. Either knowingly or subconsciously Elle had hurt Isabella. She didn't stay long enough to check her sister's condition but she knew...Noelle Swan knew her sister was in pain, in that very moment.

Noelle slowly slid down to the ground, her back balancing off her door. She felt defeated. It was not even day two that she fucked up. Noelle felt like a loser. Her will to protect her family was coming undone each day. It started off with a hug with Charlie, the little weather incident with Billy and now this with Isabella.

The screaming inside her head was now sentient, screaming at her. The screams were no longer jumbled it was clear as the day is nigh. It screamed and ached; how the hell did it all go wrong Noelle, what did you do!

Noelle's white eyes were not going back to their original colour anymore, well at least for now. It always took them a while to adjust back to their original brown-golden hue. Noelle theorized it had something to do with her fear and anxiety levels.

If she felt like she was in danger, her powers, acting like a saintly, guardian would 'pop' out and defend her. However, they were not the best judge of the situation.

Fears come in all shapes and sizes. You could be afraid of a test, of a spider, of a certain news by a certain special someone! The point is that people have this misconception about the notion of fear. They believe it to manifest at the sight of terrifying creature with sharp fangs and blood oozing through its cheshire maniacal grin. But that is not really the rule but an exaggerated idea of what fear looks like.

Fear can manifest it slowly and quietly through a stoic demeanour. It can be silent and deadly at the same time. It doesn't speak or smile. It manifests like a parasite clinging to a host.

For Noelle Swan, everything was fearful. Like,

1. An audition that could potentially leading to her losing her control.
2. A night out with the 'girls'  that could potentially leading to her losing her control.
3. A midterm or even an exam that could potentially leading to her losing her control.
4. An encounter with her dim witted twin that could potentially leading to her losing her control.

The relationship between her control and fears had a negative correlation. If one increased, the other decreased. And Noelle was slowly losing her prized 'control' factor leading to an increased fear factor which ultimately led to white, glowy eyes and her sister almost dying of frostbite.

After almost contemplating the entire universe Noelle decided to asses the damages caused by Isabelle to her outer appearance. Noelle knew she would be wearing her sunglasses for quite some while now, thank you Isabella. But the other thing was her hair.

Fortunately, her hair hadn't turned into their usually 'Ice Queen' look but the water that was dripping down them, courtesy of the self-actualizing boiling shower, had turned into icicles. There were bits and pieces of crystallized ice hanging to her head and boy did Noelle not have the patience required to defrost and detangle them.

Noelle remembered the hand warmers she had bought in NYC for emergency 'cool-down' situations if they ever arose. She got up from her melancholy position at her bedroom room and made a dash to her opened bags. She rummaged through the dozens of tops, jeans, lingerie, coats until she had them cramped into a little area. She instinctively opened them and wrapped them around one of her cotton shirts.

She stepped aside, allowing the heat to be absorbed by the shirt while she worked on other parts of her outer appearance. Looking through the mess that was her bedroom floor Elle picked up her dark blue baggy jeans to match with her navy tube-top with a signature Bratz logo on it.

She fit through her clothing and dawned her oversized black leather jacket over her top. Her outfit was complete and now all that was left was her hair and her 'other-worldly' looking eyes. She picked up the cotton shirt that had absorbed a good amount of heat and ran it through her hair, allowing the ice to thaw from her hair. After a few minutes of the makeshift hot press Noelle ran her brush over her wet hair and securing it with a claw clip. Looking at the clock, she realized she was cutting it way to close on her first day. She picked up her final accessories which was technically more than a accessories and more of a requirement to live amongst the insufferable of humanity; teenagers. She wore her leather gloves, took her pills and shoved the rest into her backpack.

She was ready now. Noelle looked like she was ready but mentally wasn't. She wasn't at all. Her fear of the impeding doom of high school was increasing. She didn't what it was like, who she had to avoid and where she had to go. There were too many unknown variable thrown into the mix.

Noelle stood in front of her bedroom. Unable to move. It was almost as if she was frozen. Her gloved hand grasped the knob of her door.

breathe in, breathe out.

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