KISS ME ✔️

IN MY DREAMS

CHAPTER THIRTEEN: IN MY DREAMS

" gleaming, twinkling,
eyes like sinking ships on waters
so inviting, I almost jump in "
- taylor swift (gold rush)

I said that everything is going to be alright.

I said that to calm myself down but I'm not calm.

Sa tuwing gumaganda at kumalma ang buhay ko tsaka may darating na 'di magagandang bagay pagkatapos.

It's like bad things happen after all the good things.

Ryland is the good thing, he's one of the good things in my life so far. Masaya ako na dumating siya sa buhay ko at nakilala ko siya pero... ngayon puno ng kaba at takot ang buong katawan ko.

'Di ko maexplain ang nararamdaman ko, it was too much, it's been bothering me for a few days now.

"Isa pa, please?"

Ngisi lang si Olivia tsaka niya binuksan ang bote ng soju and poured me another shot.

Brent left me and Olivia here in their shared apartment, I wanted Brent to drink with us too but he has work today, unfortunately.

Wala naman ding problema kung kaming dalawa lang para mas pribado 'tong paguusapan na'min.

"Ano ba kasing nangyari? This is your fifth shot of soju, Megan." tawa niya at umupo sa tabi ko.

I'm not really into soju, it's good pero vodka at tequila talaga ang best friend ko.

'Di pa nakabili ng vodka at tequila si Brent kasi obsessed si Olivia sa soju.

"Just... tired. Pagod lang, girl."

I'm tired of being nervous, I just want to let it go and scream my problems that bothers me. Wala naman kasi akong problema, gumagawa lang ako ng problema para sa sarili ko.

Oo, kabado rin ako sa bawat relasyon na pinasukan ko, sa bawat lalaking nagustuhan ko, ilang taon na rin nung huling beses na kinabahan ako nang ganito.

I feel like I want to throw up, fuck.

"Pagod? O may problema? 'Wag mong sabihin na nag-away kayo ni Ryland?"

Umiling agad ako.

Walang away, nerbyos lang, ninenerbyos lang ako sa tuwing naaalala ko kung ano ako noon.

Yes, because of the heartbreaks and disappointment that I experienced all throughout my love life turned me into a mess.

I relied on one-night stands and other things kaysa relasyon, 'di sa takot ako pero pagod ako, pagod na 'kong masaktan.

Hurting myself again is fucked up.

'Di ako tanga para saktan ulet ang sarili ko.

I became strong, I made myself stronger than I ever was.

Ninenerbyos ako dahil baka masaktan ko si Ryland at 'di maibigay kung ano yong gusto niya.

He's a good guy.

He's perfect from head to toe and the more that I think about it the more I think that I don't deserve him.

"I'm okay... pramis, I just need to drink, salamat talaga."

"Di ka ba malalasing agad niyan?"

"No, imposible."

Oh yes, it is possible.