Moving In With The Enemy

Chapter 44 ~ "I Like The Sound Of That"

Dear god, I feel guilty.

I feel like I'm lying to everyone all the time, I feel bad for looking at my roommates and not acknowledging anything between Walker and I. I don't like how sneaky this is, and it feels way too risky.

Since Walker stormed my room and shared his good news, things have been intense. When we're alone, it's always easy to hurry across the hall to each other. It's too easy to jump into bed and never want to go. It's easy to lie about what time work starts so Walker and I can spend an hour outside the pool in his Jeep talking and spending time together.

It shouldn't need to be this complicated, I shouldn't feel so stressed out. But this all-consuming feeling is washing over me every time I see him. I feel attraction and energy flow through the air and then I always think about how exciting this is. How lucky I am that he cares so much about me. 

As selfish as it is.....I'm not ready to share this with anyone else. I'm not ready to face the unbelievable drama that's going to come. I don't want anyone to ruin this for us, because I know when Walker feels trouble, he goes running.

Our week has been incredible, but it's been short and really nerve-wrecking. We're always checking the time, looking over our shoulders. I just want to tear off the bandage but I told him I had to wait until my last exam was done, then I could handle this properly.

I'd just finished an insane study session. My brain was full, my heart was at war and I was way too overwhelmed to relax. I was just thankful tomorrow was my last exam.

It was close to two a.m. I need to stop reading, I know this info inside and out, I'll be fine. Plus this teacher really likes me and I'm starting with an A in her class before the test.

I push back from my desk, I'm emotionally and mentally exhausted. Burnt-out beyond belief and I just want to cry. Tomorrow I can enjoy my freedom. Tomorrow it's all over. 

I turn out my desk light and set my alarm on my watch, dragging my feet to my bed. It was comfy, but I was out of it, thinking about way too many things. I was also worried about my grades, even though they started high, if they dipped down too low, I'd be warned about being kicked out of the honours program.

I was thinking about work, my grades, my test, Walker, my parents and how much I missed them. 

After tossing and turning for what feels like close to twenty minutes, I sit up in bed and slide out, feeling tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat. When I normally felt this way I went to my mom, she always knew how to help me. But she wasn't here, so I went the place I felt the next safest.

I open the door into the hallway and then close it really quietly, just so no one would suspect me not being in bed. Then I open his, I'm hit by the smell of his body wash instantly, it always smells so nice in here. It smells like him.

I close his door behind me and then quietly pad up to his bed, seeing him sprawled out in the middle, softly snoring. His chest and abs on display, he was only wearing his boxers. I could only see the top band, the rest of his lower half covered by a sheet.

I gulp, worried how he'd take this. I didn't want to seem needy or like I was an emotional mess. I also just didn't want him to feel bad. I place my hand on his arm and he shakes his head, eyes scrunching up and I watch them squint open. At first he looks confused, maybe even upset......but then he sees me and he shoots up in bed.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" He asks and I shake my head.

"I don't know." I whisper, feeling my eyes sting and he sits up straight, swinging his legs over the side of the bed.

He grabs my hands, thumbs pressing reassuring circles over the backs of them. He was tired, it was written all over his face that he was pleasantly asleep, but that he was trying to be kind and help me. "Tell me what it is and I'll listen." He sighs and I press my lips together.