Moving In With The Enemy

Chapter 50 ~ "Tell Me When You're Ready"

It's been silent for ages. We've just been laying here in bedsheets, looking up at the ceiling and I've been forcing myself not to roll into his chest and nap.

It's been impossible to think of what to do, I don't want to leave, but I don't want to talk first. 

"Are you okay?" I hear him ask quietly and I nod.

"Yeah." I whisper, fiddling with the bedsheets. Thinking about how good that was isn't helping me stay objective.

There's a lot going through my mind, a lot of wishing I hadn't done that but still being happy I did. A lot of questions about how to move forward. Even more about him and what he's thinking.

"I.....I need to finish packing." I mumble. "Then I need to go home and load the car."

I sit up slowly, feeling my body ache but I ignore it as much as I can. I feel a hand wrap around my arm and I gasp.

"Don't go." He whispers, sitting up next to me. "Please don't go."

"Walker, I need to."

"Annie, don't run away from this. Stop running away from me, you can't look me in the eyes half the time-"

"Because everything between us is intense and you're tough to look at because......look, I don't have to explain myself. We fucked, thanks for that, but I need to go." I answer, shaking my head and he moves his hand down and picks mine up again.

"I don't want you to leave." He insists. "We have a lot to talk about-"

"We have nothing to talk about." I say instead, pulling my hand free. I stand up gathering my clothes and he chews the inside of his cheek.

"So you're just going to leave, we do all of that, then you go?" He asks, sounding irritated.

"Yeah, that's how sex works, Walker. I get something, you get something, then we're done." I grab my bra first, pulling it back on, trying not to remember him pulling it off of me.

"We're not just having sex, Annie!" He practically yells. "Stop saying that, you and I both know what this means to both of us and you can sit there and say all that you want that what we just did is some kind of transaction, but we both know that's not how you feel."

"It doesn't matter." I answer. "It doesn't change anything."

"How doesn't it change anything? Nothing about how I feel has changed and I know you still have feelings for me-"

"Because months of caring about someone don't disappear in three days, Walker!" I shout and we both stop our arguing and he stares at me. "I've liked you for ages, despite you hiding your feelings under a cloak of fake hate, I wanted you to like me. I still have feelings for you, they're not going away."

"So then why are you insisting that we break up?" He asks, furrowing his eyebrows. "I can't change the past Annie, but if you feel that way then what the hell is this all about?"

"It's the fact that nothing has changed!" I insist, feeling exhausted. "We're in the exact same place, Walker. I can't go away for a month when you keep things from me, I want to trust you but you make it so hard when you just drop bombs on me over and over again. I've made it clear how I feel."

He just sits there, looking totally broken. Sex doesn't fix everything, he doesn't seem to understand that. Sex is special with him, it's incredibly private for me and he knows that me agreeing to do it means that I still care a lot. But he doesn't understand that that's not the solution.

"Walker, you know I care about you. But....there's too much going on in my life for me to piece this back together. I can't when nothing's changed." I sigh, picking up my underwear next and yanking them on. I just round up the rest of my things, deciding to get dressed across the hall.