WangXian Forever Book 8

Chapter 5 Honesty

Wei Ying, all excited now, had assumed that Lan Zhan had agreed that they could go and talk to the relatives of those who had passed away in the Sleeping Sickness.

So he went to get up, and yelped as he was held in place by someone who clearly wasn't finished talking about it.

"I haven't said yes." Lan Zhan’s deep voice whispered in Wei Ying's ear.

It made him shiver, because it was unexpected, and he thought it was a done deal. He leaned back to look into a face that clearly thought it was a good idea to go via teleportation but it looked like Lan Zhan wanted to... play...?

"Er...so can we go?" He asked uncertainly. "I mean...if you don't want to, I guess it's okay. But we really should try and figure it out." He thought he had explained that part. But he was babbling now...because Lan Zhan had said, in not so many words that he should ask and see if Lan Zhan would ever deny him anything again.

Alright, the context had been different since they had been discussing Wei Ying continuously inviting Lan Zhan to come to Yunmeng and taste the delicacies available all year round; at the time, the then younger Lan Zhan had resolutely refused him...every single time.

And now, Lan Zhan’s face was saying yes, but his arms were saying no...?

"I want..." Lan Zhan stopped speaking, but his eyes were desperate.

Wei Ying knew how hard it was for him to even say those two words together. For such a long time, Lan Zhan was used to not saying what he wanted. And in the past, whenever he had actually said what was in his heart, there had been times it was cruelly denied. Of course it would have a detrimental effect on his mind.

He tried again, "I wish Wei Ying to know..."

But it was no good. However much he tried to voice his thoughts, the right words just wouldn't come, and his anxiety was skyrocketing.

Wei Ying abandoned all playfulness, and cupped his face with both of his hands.

"My love...Will this...Will this be easier if we do this up here?" He tapped the side of his own head.

Lan Zhan brightened immediately. His Wei Ying was full of great ideas today.

So he nodded.

I am worried about you. I know...I know you are suffering from doubt and worry yourself, and I do not wish to burden you further. If I could take away all your suffering, all your pain, you should consider it done already.

I wish Wei Ying could fly across the skies unhindered, untamed, freer than the storks that grace Cloud Recesses every winter.

I want you to be free.

I do not want to be selfish...but I cannot stand to see you hurt any more. I am standing by your side, and I feel like ... as if I am powerless to prevent what is happening to you.

Is it wrong that I do not care about strangers far away from us? Not if helping them hurts you further. I cannot do it. That is my reluctance to help them. I do not care if that makes me a bad person.

I want to protect you.

From everyone else.

I wish it was not this way.

Lan Zhan watched tears fall from silver eyes, brighter than he had ever seen them before.

Their lips collided with a desperation mirrored in each heart. Lan Zhan’s honesty and the depth of his pain was too much for Wei Ying and he had to show Lan Zhan that he felt the same way.

He too, wanted to protect Lan Zhan in the same way, stand in front of him, come what may.

But this ... ailment was coming at them from the inside.

Neither knew what it was, nor the severity of its impact, and just that alone was incapacitating.

Yet despite everything, they were together.

And that was more important than anything else.

"My love...I'm glad you showed me what you're feeling. It makes us stronger, believe me." Wei Ying thought hard. "I know what you mean, and you're not being selfish. It's okay to say what you want, you know. You can tell me anything and I will do my best to make it happen. Nothing is off-limits, I mean that."

Lan Zhan nodded.

He was surprised at how relieved he felt by just opening his heart and mind to his beloved. It might not have changed anything on the outside of their situation, but inside both of them, there was a definite change.

He realised that his inability to share with Wei Ying how he felt, was still feeling, had hurt him, and them. Wei Ying wanted to know how he felt, and that made all the difference.

I did not mean to shut you out. It's just that you are already dealing with so much...I did not want to worry you with myself as well.

Wei Ying blinked back tears, feeling so much happier.

"I know. But I would take knowing what you're going through any day, than feeling as if...as if...Well, I felt like you were rejecting me. I know you weren't...but that's what it felt like."

Lan Zhan had gasped and hugged him tighter.

Wei Ying patted his back warmly.

"I always want to know. Promise me...promise me that you'll share?" Wei Ying felt him nodding.

"I would never reject you." He vowed.

"Okay...so now that we've cleared the air...what are we going to do? Can we go?" The excitement was back.

Lan Zhan listened to their hearts beating, and feeling so grateful to be able to do that. It was precious.

"Yes we can go. But Wei Ying must also promise to be honest. If you are feeling tired at all, and wish to rest, that must come first." Lan Zhan insisted.

Too many times in the past, Wei Ying had given his everything, more than what was expected from any human being, and he had to make sure it never happened again.

"I promise. I'll be careful. We'll be careful." One quick kiss and Wei Ying was standing up again, holding his hand out to help Lan Zhan up. "Let's go tell XiChen-Ge. Let's see what he says, Truth Trap and all." Wei Ying giggled.

Just that sound alone, it made Lan Zhan yank him back and crash their lips together. He felt lighter and happier now, and it was all due to this wonderful man in his arms, and Lan Zhan wanted to show him.

Wei Ying was so stunning, well-kissed lips throbbing, and the best flush on his beautiful cheeks. And his eyes...

Lan Zhan could write song after song about how he could see all the constellations shining in them so brightly.

"I love you." Wei Ying grabbed his hand and they left the Great Hall.

Night had fallen across Cloud Recesses and the hush accompanied with the oncoming snowfall...perhaps in a few hours, it was the familiarity associated with a favourite piece of clothing. The same warm feelings about being home, and the safety and welcome that only home provided was like a comfortable blanket.

"You know, we haven't seen Wen Ning since we got back. What do you think of him coming with us tomorrow?"

"It is acceptable. Whatever help we can have would be good." Lan Zhan did not mind Wen Ning now.

He had come to the sudden realisation that Wen Ning was much like Hui Gai in that way, more like brothers to his Wei Ying...better than his actual brother, if Lan Zhan wanted to be brutal.

And in his opinion, Wei Ying couldn’t have enough supporters. It was nice and encouraging that there were more people willing to stand in front of his Soulmate now than at any other time in their lives.

They knocked on the door of the Hanshi and waited to be called.