WangXian Forever Book 8

Chapter 8 Comfort

Jiang Cheng wanted to be annoyed at his husband but Lan XiChen's face was too adorable.

And was that a pout?

"Sweetheart...I'm trying not to be upset at you. I know it's the curse speaking..." Jiang Cheng said softly.

"I don't want to upset you." XiChen said, the words like dewdrops hanging in the air between them.

"I know that too." Gods, how could Jiang Cheng resist him when he looked like that?

XiChen had wandered away to stand by the window that looked out onto their garden. It looked barren and devoid of life, covered in a thin layer of crystal snow.

These were the last snows of the flagging winter and soon spring would be upon them.

A return to green leaves, and colourful flowers, life in its amazing vast array of love appearing everywhere.

Warm hands whispered around his waist and XiChen leaned back against a warmer chest, waiting for him.

"I hate being a leader."

His fingers touched his own mouth, almost reverently even as Jiang Cheng swallowed a surprised breath.

This truth, one he had kept hidden like a repressed memory opened the floodgates of his vocabulary.

"Was it my fault I was born first? It wasn’t my choice to be older than WangJi." He continued. He knew Jiang Cheng would hear him out, with no judgement or opinion on his feelings. He could express himself fully and as in the past, Jiang Cheng would support him. As always.

"No one can decide when they are born." Jiang Cheng told him softly.

"I was never given any alternative. Before I knew what I was doing, WangJi was born and I was looking after him. And studying. And making sure our mother was alright. My father...he wouldn't come out of seclusion." XiChen swallowed a choking sob. "I would go to see him almost every night. Sitting outside his quarters, telling him about my day. Wishing he would open his door and tell me what to do. But he never said a word."

Jiang Cheng turned him around and held his shaking body. Slowly his fingers untied his guan holding his beautiful hair in place.

Letting him empty his heart.

"I cried, I pleaded, and I begged him to please come out, please help us...please come and help me."

Jiang Cheng stroked his lovely hair, soft and luxurious, silky like the softest satin.

"When Muqin passed away...Shifu only said she was gone. He never elaborated or explained where she had gone. WangJi never got over it. We were only allowed to go and see her on the first day of every month, and he...h-he went e-every single night, because he did not understand what gone meant."

The quiet grew between them.

"After that, Shifu became even more strict. He warned us, and we were children, then still, he told us that now it was up to us to take the Lan Clan into the next generation. He was relentless in his teachings, and poor WangJi only wanted love. He felt lost and I felt worse because of this. WangJi promised himself that he was going to be the best, and never give in to the perils of falling in love. He devoted himself to only studying and cultivation. Never gave himself a break...not until Wei WuXian came along."

"What about you? Huan, I've never known anyone work harder than you. You know how to keep the peace, and that's not easy. With a few choice words, you have stopped wars. Feuds and petty fights. Everyone in the cultivation world respects and admires you. That's an achievement. No little one at that." Jiang Cheng encouraged.

"When A-Yao...Meng Yao...when I killed him, yes, I was tearing myself up with that raw guilt, not showing myself any kindness. His death forced me to examine my life and everything I had done up until then. But my seclusion...I lengthened it because I did not want to resume the leadership mantle. People, including Shifu assumed I was cut up about A- about Meng Yao's death, and don't get me wrong, I was upset that I had killed him, but not that he was dead. He needed to die, and there was no way he was leaving that temple alive. After what he did..."

It was hard for Jiang Cheng to hear about Meng Yao and how XiChen, his XiChen felt about him. During the Sunshot campaign, the lines between friendships and lovers had been blurred, and that was no one's fault. It did not make it any easier to understand though.

"Throughout our lives there will be countless challenges. It's how we respond to them that matters, right? You made mistakes? That's normal. You can’t beat yourself up about that, you know this. But you also will understand how not to deal with problem should it arise again. You have to trust in yourself, Huan. Fate deals us many cards, but we get to choose which ones we keep. I picked you. And I'll never regret it." Jiang Cheng led him to their bed.

Tenderly, he lifted off the heavy robes that a Sect Leader had to wear.

"Do you think they're this heavy so the wearer can't run away?" XiChen said suddenly.

It took a moment for his words to be understood, but once Jiang Cheng did, he doubled over laughing hard.

When he finally was able to wipe his eyes from tears, he saw that XiChen also wore a proud smile.

"I love you." XiChen said, hugging him hard. "I love the man you became through your hard efforts too. We neither of us had parents to help us, especially later on. But I think we've done a good job."

"Huan...I can easily say I haven't loved any one as much as I love you. You are my stars, my sky and my sunshine. As long as I have you, I don't need anything else." Jiang Cheng kissed those sweet lips, waiting for him.

The knock at the door had them breathlessly pulling apart, and Jiang Cheng went to collect their daughter from the baby sitter.

Together, they put little Li Li into her cot and watched her sleep.