Angel

Chapter 10

I ran and ran until I got to his house. By then I was on my knees gasping for air, and my head was throbbing again.

I realized I'd never been here before. I'd only walked past it with Zack once.

After I could breath easily again, I knocked on the door.

I hoped Zack would answer it, because I wasn't the best with new people. Anxiety is a bitch.

I could hear people yelling inside the house. Only moments later, a girl opened the door.

She was only an inch or two taller than me. She had blonde hair and beautiful, hazel eyes. I was guessing this was one of his two sisters.

She just stared at me awkwardly, so I said, "Hi, uh, I-I'm Vanessa. I was wondering if Zack was here?" Why was I so nervous? Oh! Anxiety, ha.

She chuckled at that, "Yeah, he's upstairs. I'll go get him. By the way, I'm his older sister, Anna. Zack talks about you all the time. He really does love you."

"Oh, well thank you," I said, not really knowing how to respond. My cheeks were warm, which mean I was probably blushing. I hated the fact that I had feelings.

"Come on in. You can sit on the couch while I go get him," she said, leading me through the door.

She closed the door behind her, and I went to sit on the couch, which was one of those couches that you sink into when you sit down. Someone could've warned me of that.

While she made her way up the stairs, I observed Zack's home. It was pretty tidy, except for the kitchen and dining room, which I could see from here. There were dishes all over the counter, and mail was scattered on the dining room table.

The floor was hardwood, just like in my house. The walls were painted a faded salmon color. It was way too bright for me. I was more of a black and white person.

That's when I heard someone rushing down the stairs. I turned my head the other way to see Zack.

He was slightly smiling, but he looked shocked, and almost mad that I had come to his house unexpectedly.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, his tone a bit snippy. I ignored it.

"I was going to ask you someth-"

He cut me off, "Let's go outside and talk." He grabbed my hand and practically dragged me out the door. I was getting curious as to why he was acting so weird.

My curiosity took over, "Why have you been avoiding me lately? Why do you act so secretive?" It was my turn to get snippy.

He was taken aback by my straightforwardness.

"I'm not avoiding you, Nessa. I've just got things to do. I've been busy with art class and my sisters and my dad-"

I interrupted him. "You always have excuses. If you wouldn't have been 'busy' that day, my mom never would've done any of the shit she did. I would've been with you, Zack! You never explain. It's just one excuse after the other. I'm done! I'm done trying to grasp every fucking thing. I'm done."

"My dad has needed help with his job, Nessa! I can't do anything about it."

"What's his job? It's his job! Why do you have to help him with his job?" I was getting furious. Tears of anger were swelling up in my eyes.

Zack put his head in his hands. I didn't understand. All I wanted was to know why he always had to help his dad. He was always so busy with his dad that he never had time for me. Was I selfish to feel this way?

"He's a cop. My dad is a cop. The sheriff to be exact."

What the hell? This isn't making sense. Did I hear him correctly?

"A cop? How do you help your dad if he's a fucking cop?" I let the tears spill down my face. I was sniffling, and I was just an overall mess.

"He's training me to become a cop, Nessa. I didn't want to tell you. I figured you'd flip your shit because it's really dangerous. I've been going on cases with him almost every day now."

"How can you do that? You're supposed to go to college or official training for that! Since when do you want to be a cop? You told me your passion was art! You told me your dad was an ass, just like mine! Why would you want to spend time with-"

"I lied. I wanted you to like me, okay! I wanted to impress you. I wanted you. I needed you. But now I've screwed everything up."

I collapsed to the ground. I couldn't stand any of this anymore. I wanted to cut more. I wanted to go too far with that blade. I wanted everything to end.

He lied. What else did he lie about? I didn't know if I wanted him to go away or if I wanted him to comfort me. I didn't know if I wanted him to hold me or if I wanted to punch him in the face.

It was all too much. My mom. My brothers. My dad. My soon-to-be step-mother. The wedding. Zack. My head hurt like hell. My nose was all jacked up. I had no one. No one. I couldn't trust anyone anymore. There was Eli, but I barely knew him.

I just sat there and sobbed. I blocked everything out. I felt someone come up behind me and pull me into their lap. Probably Zack. But I didn't even flinch. I didn't care about anything anymore.

What was the point? Every time I got attached to things, it all came crashing down, burying me in the pain. Swallowing me whole. I felt trapped. The tears wouldn't stop.

***

I cried for a while. Zack held me the whole time, but it didn't give me that much comfort.

I loved him. I trusted him. And he lied. About everything.

Was his mom even dead? Did he really have two sisters? Did he even like art that much? Was it all a scam? My mind was racing with all the possibilities.

"Vanessa?" Zack said, snatching me away from my own little world. We were still sitting in his front yard. "What were you going to ask me? You know, why'd you come over?"

I had almost utterly forgotten the original reason I had ran all the way to his house. I didn't know what to say.

Strangely enough, I still wanted him to come with me to Virginia. But would he want to come? I wasn't as confident about his decision as I was before our argument.

I decided to just let it out. "Julie and my dad are getting married. A-and the wedding is i-in Virginia. S-so I was wondering if you would come down there and attend it with m-me."

He didn't even hesitate. "Of course I'll go, Nessa." He opened his arms for me to come in and hug him. I took the offer.

That time, the comfort hit me like a bus. I closed my eyes and breathed in his existence.

He smelt like soap, with a hint of sweat mixed in there. His body radiated with heat, warming me up, making me forget about every single thing that had happened in the past hour or so.

"I'm still mad at you, though. You should've just told me the truth, Zack. I still would've loved you. I still would've accepted you. You didn't have to manipulate me into thinking you were something you're not."

My words hurt him. I could see it in his eyes. They were glimmering with guilt.

I shivered. It had gotten pretty dark by now, and it was a bit chilly out. Zack must've felt me shiver in his arms. "We need to get you back home," he said.

"You should eat dinner with us, tonight. That way my 'parents' can get to know you."

Zack was okay with this. He grabbed my hand and we started to walk towards my house.

Zack abruptly stopped after we had walked for maybe thirty seconds. He looked down at me, straight in the eyes. "I'm sorry for what I did, Nessa. I was stupid to lie to you. I was stupid to think it was the right thing to do."

I smiled up at him. "It's okay, Zack. Just know it's okay to be you around me. I'm pretty deeply in love with the real you."

But even though those were the words that came out of my mouth, deep down, I didn't really know how I felt.