Angel

Chapter 18

I almost succeeded. I almost killed myself right on the scene. Instead I just lost way too much blood, had a heart malfunction, and caused internal bleeding.

I was still in the Intensive Care Unit. It took ten days for me to wake up from my coma. A machine was the only thing keeping me breathing for the majority of that time. But I suddenly woke up earlier today.

The nurses told me it was an absolute miracle. I thought otherwise. The nurses also said I would have heart problems for the rest of my life. The doctors did emergency surgery, so I wasn't bleeding internally anymore. I was still extremely weak because of the blood loss, though.

My first visitors were Julie and Dad. I still didn't consider Julie as my step-mom. I didn't really have anything to say to them. The fact that their daughter had tried to kill herself had them pretty shaken up, so they didn't say much either. Julie actually started crying while they were visiting. It didn't do much to improve my mood.

Now I was waiting for Zack to come in.

I was in a horrid mood. I was supposed to be dead. Apparently the semi-truck was only going thirty miles an hour. That's why my injuries were not as fatal as I would've liked them to be.

When Zack walked through the door, I felt both ashamed and relieved.

He was there when I tried to commit. He watched as that semi hit me.

He watched as my thoughts took control of my entire being, engulfing me in the temptation to die.

Now, he just stood there, tears glimmering in his eyes.

"I told you it wasn't your time to die."

That made me start to cry. It brought back the memories of that day. In the truck, he said those exact same words. Right before I walked right in front of that semi. The tears he had been holding in started to dance down his cheeks, too. Zack made his way over to my bedside.

I avoided eye contact with him. I couldn't look at his face. I couldn't look at the sadness lying there, waiting to be noticed. I couldn't look at the dark circles, probably caused by me. The stress was taking a toll on his body. And it was all my fault. I did that to him.

"I'm sorry." My voice was a crackling whisper.

"Don't be. You couldn't help what your mom did. You can't help what your mind did."

I was actually surprised that he was so understanding. I figured he'd be pissed because he tried to stop me, and I didn't even try to listen to him.

A question popped inside my head. "How long do I have to stay in this place? Are they sending me to a mental ward?" My voice was shaky. Probably partly because I was crying, and partly because I was so weak.

"Until you can breathe on your own and you are strong enough. You lost several pints of blood, Nessa."

I felt proud of myself in a way. I had damaged my body permanently. Sure, I wasn't dead, but I had tried.

Matt and Charlie suddenly popped into my brain. No. This probably killed them inside, to see their sister on life support for over a week. I had to know if they were okay. I started to panic.

"Zack, how are my brothers? Are they okay?" I asked frantically.

I started breathing heavily. It was hard to fill my lungs with air. I felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest.

Zack gripped my bony shoulders and held me against the hospital bed.

"Nessa, you've got to stay calm. You could stop breathing if your heart starts beating too fast."