Angel

Chapter 2

I didn't have them. I didn't have my blades. A wave of panic came over me. A strong urge to let go of all the pain did too. What was I going to do? I had to get to a store. I needed a pencil sharpener, anything I could use. I got my phone and fought to find a store nearby. He kept texting me, over and over. Just like he did almost every day.

"You're so pathetic, Vanessa."

"Did you really think I'd stay?"

"I never really loved you."

Finally, I found out there was a Walmart about two miles from my house, on West Avenue, the main road here. I threw my phone across the room, the panic was taking over. I needed relief. And the tears that were now rolling down my cheeks weren't enough.

I got myself together as much as I possibly could and opened the door to my room. No one was in sight. I needed to find my mom and tell her I was going on a walk. I couldn't tell her the truth. She would question me, and I didn't have time for that. Good thing I had money.

I walked downstairs to see her on the phone. She didn't look very pleased with the person on the other line. I stood there anxiously, trying not to scream, and waited for her to hang up. She finally did. "What do you want, Vanessa?" she asked in an aggravated tone. "I'm going for a walk," I blurted out. "Be back soon. I'm going to order pizza tonight." I didn't even reply. I was focused on one thing, and it definitely wasn't what I was having for dinner that night.

I walked out the door. After that, I didn't care who saw me. I let the tears out, I lifted the barricades. I let them completely ruin my makeup. I didn't care; it's not like I'm pretty with or without it. It was hot outside, probably because summers in Georgia are hot as hell. It didn't help that I was wearing a long-sleeve shirt, for obvious reasons. I started to walk towards the entrance to my new neighborhood. That made me think. It hasn't even been a day and I'm begging for relief.

***

After I walked for another thirty minutes, I was in the Walmart parking lot. By now, my heart was beating pretty damn fast. I was eager to get my escape back.

I got to the entrance of the store, a rush of cooler air hitting me. I started to head to the office supplies section. It took me several minutes to get there because I had to push my way through all the people. Walmart was too crowded for my liking, but I had no choice. Once I got there, I was immediately drawn to the pencil sharpeners. The temptation was getting closer and closer to winning me over. I grabbed two of the sharpeners. I decided it would be suspicious if I only bought them, so I grabbed a pack of pencils and a pack of sharpies, too.

The cashier seemed to notice something was wrong. "You okay?" the young, blue eyed women asked me. I was shocked at first, so I just stared at her for a second. "Yes, I am fine," I answered, faking a smile. "Just checking. Have a nice night," she said as I took the bag with my purchases from her hand. That was odd.

I made it outside of the store. It was getting dark quick, and I forgot my phone because I threw it across the room. Oops. My mom is going to be pissed. Whatever, I don't really give a shit.

I got to our neighborhood after a long, tiring walk. I started to run. I was so close to being free again, from all the pain. I got to my house pretty quick. I opened the door to see my mom and brothers sitting on the couch in the living room. They were watching TV and eating the pizza my mom had mentioned to me earlier. My mom noticed me walk in, but she didn't say anything at first.

After a few minutes she said, "There is some pizza in the kitchen if you want some." I just stared at her. She didn't even care that her fifteen year old daughter was back hours later than she should have been from a "run". I went to the stairs and started to climb them. I was stupid for thinking she would care. I got to my room, closed the door behind me, and completely broke. I started crying again, and I started to use a pair of scissors I had in my art supplies to unscrew the blades from the sharpeners.

Eventually, I got the blades free. I didn't care that I might get blood on my new bedroom floor. I immediately put the sharp object to my skin, watching as everything was lifted from my body. The texts, him, my thoughts, my mom. It was a deep wound, so I thought it was enough for now. I let it bleed for a number of minutes, until I started to feel sort of light headed. After that I slowly made my way to the bathroom and cleaned the soon-to-be scar. I found a bandage in the cabinet under the sink and put it on the cut.

I went back to my room and hid the blades. It's not like my mom would care if she found them, but I hid them for the sake of my brothers. After I plugged in my phone to charge overnight, I laid in bed. Soon enough my thoughts turned to dreams as I drifted to sleep.