Hang Me Out to Dry

Heart to Heart

Sadie laid awake in her bed that night tossing and turning, unable to sleep. There had been a tense atmosphere in the dorm house all evening after the fight on base that afternoon. Sadie had purposely hid away in her bedroom, not wanting to see Hangman. 

A knock on her door caused her to jump slightly. She waited, holding her breath to see if whoever was at the door would assume she was sleeping but no such luck. Another knock on the door caused her to sign and swing her legs over the edge of the bed. She inched her bedroom door open, blinking rapidly as the harsh light from the hallway shone in her eyes. Hangman stood barefoot in the hallway with a pair of sweatpants hanging low on his hips. Sadie tried to close the door but he quickly placed his hand on the door, stopping her from shutting it.

"What?" she asked, doing nothing to hide her annoyance.

"Can we talk?" he asked.

"I'm sleeping."

"You weren't sleeping, I couldn't hear you snoring." Again Sadie tried to push the door shut. "Wait I'm sorry. Can I start over? I wanted to apologize for the way I acted earlier." She raised an eyebrow, but stopped actively pushing on the door. She waited for him to continue but he just looked back at her expectantly.

"Well go ahead," she said.

"With what?"

"Your apology."

"That was it." Sadie's eyes narrowed. "Ok you're right. I'm sorry. I was acting like a dick earlier and it was out of line."

"I'm not sure if I'm the only one who deserves an apology." Hangman's head fell as he sighed.

"You're right, but I wanted to talk to you first. Can I come in?" 

Sadie simply nodded, stepping away and letting Hangman enter the room. Sadie sat down on her bed leaving Hangman to stand awkwardly in the middle of the room, clenching and unclenching his hands. Sadie took pity on him and shifted over creating a space for him to sit beside her which he gratefully accepted.

He seemed to be thinking over what he wanted to say because he kept looking over at Sadie, opening his mouth to talk, before then shutting it again and turning away. His eyebrows were furrowed together creating wrinkles across his forehead that Sadie had to hold herself back from reaching up to smooth out. Finally he spoke, starting out quiet and unsure.

"I'm not good with the whole talking thing, but it's not fair that I've been an ass to you this entire time and I feel like I owe you some sort of explanation." He took a deep breath in before continuing. "I guess I'll start with that first day?"

Sadie nodded slightly, not wanting to move to quickly or break the silence in case the moment ended. 

"There was a lot of pressure from my father growing up to follow in his footsteps, and that started with becoming a naval pilot and getting into Top Gun. When I got accepted that was the first time I could remember him telling me that he was proud of me. Then when you got in and they pushed me back to the next year I just felt like everything was falling apart. Then it happened again. I couldn't help but think that maybe I was never going to make it. Even when I got to Top Gun that wasn't enough to impress him so I pushed myself and finished first in my class, but that still wasn't enough." 

Sadie wasn't sure what to say. What could she even say?

"I keep up this act like I'm better than everyone, because I know it's not true but if I pretend then my dad can pretend and we don't have to talk about it."

"I'm sorry Hangman, but you realize that's not an excuse, right?"

He sighed, running his hands through his hair.

"I know. I'm trying to work on it, but it's hard."

"I know it's hard. Trust me," she said. "I never thought I would make it this far. Not a lot of women do so when I had the opportunity I took it. Admiral Fuller stuck his neck out for me to get me into Top Gun. If I fail, that directly reflects on him. I can't do that after everything he's done for me."

It was Hangman's turn to listen intently. He sat in silence processing what Sadie had said, and she kept herself distracted by playing with her dog tags.

"Casper, you're a great pilot. You don't need to keep proving it to Fuller or anyone. He wouldn't have done that for you just to hold it over your head all these years. The only person you owe anything to now is yourself."

Sadie raised her eyebrow at Hangman.

"Ever heard of taking your own advice? You don't have to prove anything to your dad."

"Yeah, well..." he trailed off. He stared across the room focusing on a spot on the wall. He was clearly uncomfortable with the conversation and being so open with someone. 

"Look at us. It's always the people closest to us that mess us up the most," she said her mouth drawn into a straight line. "I'm glad you came to talk to me."

He looked over, meeting Sadie's eyes. His face was more vulnerable than she had ever seen, he looked both younger and much older at the same time. She moved over on her bed, lifting the covers up to invite him to lay down. He accepted, laying down next to her, his larger body curling around her. His hand gripped her own tightly, the grasp only loosening as his breathing evened out and he fell asleep.