SCARS

NINE

~Recap~

"I think I'm in love with you."

His arm tightened around my shoulders, but it didn't hurt like when he crushed my hand in the hallway. It was a comforting squeeze. "Stella Gotham. I know I'm in love with you."

And he meant it. Just like I meant it, too.
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Everything was dark when Conner brought me home. I had the door of the house opened a small crack when the first thing was thrown at the door. Conner was behind when I jumped back and he looked confused when I glanced up at him. I was pretty sure the fear was clear on my face.

He took my hand and reached to open the door. I tried to stop him, but he had already opened it. My mother's voice rang through the house as another object hit the back of the door, "Where the hell have you been? I have been waiting on you all night. Not a phone call or a text message. Nothing." Her words were slurred and Conner didn't seem to notice. He opened the door fully and let me step through. "Hello Mrs. Gotham. Sorry Stella is home so late. That would be my fault."

My mother's posture quickly changed as if someone worth her while had come through the door. I was glaring at her, which she didn't have enough sense at the moment to care. He looked at me and then back at my mom. "Conner, she's drunk. Don't try to reason with her."

He gave a small nod and I tugged him back to my room. After I closed the door, he sat on the floor at the end of m bed. I sat down above him and he smiled up at me. "Do you want me to stay?" he asked. He didn't seem bothered by staying but I was worried that I was pushing to far. "Not unless you want to."

"I do but I don't want to stay and bug you."

He stood and sat back down beside me. "Have you ever done something because you want to, Stella? Or have you been looking out for everyone else?"

I didn't want to answer his question. He was looking up at me, waiting. I shook my head and he sighed, "Then answer this. Do you want me to stay?"

I nodded.

You nod way to often, Stella. Use that odd vocabulary of yours that no one understands.

My voice was back. I ignored her. Answering or acting against her would cause Conner to think that I was crazy and I was doing a good job at that when she wasn't talking to me. "Okay then. Go get dressed and I will wait in here for you." I got off the bed and grabbed a pair of pajamas. Conner had laid down on the bed as I closed the door and headed to the bathroom.

After my shower I slipped into my mom's room and grabbed a pair of sweat pants my dad left behind when he ditched us. I hurried back to my room, hoping Conner hadn't fallen asleep in my absence. He wasn't.

I quietly opened the door and peeked inside. He was laying on the bed, reading a book that I had a few months before.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I smiled and knocked on the door. He looked away from the book. "Hi," Conner sat up and pout the book down.

"Hey." I tossed him the sweat pants. "I thought if you were going to stay, even if it is only for an hour or so, you should be comfortable."

I  turned around and faced the door. I would have gone outside but I was sure if my mom saw me she would start yelling at me to get in my room. I was watching my shadow on my door when Conner's arms wrapped around my waist. I turned around and was face to chest with Conner.

I tried forcing the blush off my face.

Why isn't he wearing a shirt?

I asked my voice.

I don't know. Ask lover boy.

I let out a long silent breath but never asked the question. Conner kissed my forehead. "You need to get some sleep. Tomorrow we have school and even more hoops to jump through."

I hugged him and walked over to the bed.

My quilt was warm but not as warm as the quilt on Conner's bed. I closed my eyes as Conner sat down beside my bed and took my hand. Within moments I had fallen asleep.
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The buzz of my phone scared me when it vibrated against the top of my laptop and woke me up the next morning. I checked it.

Conner: Wake up, kiddo. School today and the rest of the week.

Me: Conner. It's six seventeen in the morning. School dosen't start until eight o'clock and I never go to first hour.

Conner: Oh....Well then go back to sleep. I'll see you at school.

Me: Okay.

I brought my phone with me back to my bed and started listening to music. Eight o'clock came and went. I just didn't want to put the effort into climbing of bed and getting ready. I stayed in bed until around twelve thirty and made myself a sandwhich that I barely took three bites of.

You're sinking again Stella. No cuts this time right?

My voice sounded concerned, and she should be. When I get in moods like this it usually reults in me having tons of make up work and several new cuts on my hips or thighs. At three fifteen the sound of a car pulling into the driveway finally got me off the couch.

I threw away the bowl of cereal I was eating and someone knocked on the door. It was Conner.

"Where were you?!?! I thought you were in an accident or something." He seemed worried about me but for some unknown reason, I couldn't bring myself to care. I let him in and went back to sitting back on the couch staring off into space. He sat next to me, going on and on about how worried he was. The screen of the TV reflected us. Conner was wearing some weird shade of purple that had something in french printed in an even weirder color of green and a mormal pair of jeans.

I, on the other hand, was wearing a pair of gray leggings and a baggy Crown the Empire tee. His shoes were what everyone else was wearing and my bare feet were the sign of a loser with no life. "Stella, are you listening?"

I looked over at him, "What?"

"So no. You weren't listening."

"I'm sorry. Today isn't my day. I was having a moment."

"A moment? I haven't seen you all day. I was worried about you all day and when I do see you, you won't even listen? I ca-"

"Shut up, Conner!" I shouted. "Just stop!" I put my head in my hands. "You don't know what is wrong with me and no matter how much time you spend trying to figure that out, you won't. Because I don't even know what's wrong with me. I don't know what the hell I did to cause this. And you sure as hell don't know."

I got up from the couch and went to my room.

You just lost him.

My voice warned me. But I never heard Conner's car pull out of the drive way but I never heard him come back to my room. I didn't think he was going to do anything other than sit on my couch until he left. I sighed and shoved my face into my pillow.

Maybe you're right. Maybe I did....

Of course I'm right. I haven't been wrong yet have I?

She expected an answer but I didn't have the energy. I closed my eyes and hoped that this was all some bad dream.
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Connella song for this chapter: Welcome to my life by the Simple Plan

If you have ever read/ seen The Perks of Being a Wallflower, comment and tell you how much you loved (or hated) the book/ movie.