SCARS

EIGHTEEN

~Recap~

Your not gonna keep that promise.

My voice told me.

Yes I will. The promise I made to him was to be his forever, and I'm never going to change that.
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I woke up that night while Conner was still asleep.

You're still going to do this? Even after the whole promise ring thing?

I looked down at the black ribbon tied around my ring finger.

I'm doing this because of him. I can't force him to deal with my shit all his life.

If she was human, I think she would nod.

Conner had his arm wrapped around my waist like every night he stayed over and I had to be careful not to wake him. I kissed his palm and didn't feel the tears that fell onto my cheeks. In fact, I barely felt anything. As I walked across the room to my door I glanced at him a few times, to make sure that I didn't wake him. I carefully opened the door and closed it as I stepped out.

I closed my eyes and tried to pretend that Conner wasn't laying in my bed, fast asleep. I tried to pretend that Conner Bliu didn't exist.

If Conner didn't exist then you wouldn't be doing this.

I felt like my voice was trying to get me to stop from doing this.

I walked into the bathroom and slowly shut the door and quickly turned the light on. My first aid kit was under the sink and I pulled it out carefully so it wouldn't hit the top of the counter. I was quiet. I didn't want to wake my mom up. My mother waking up would mean me being put into an instution. I opened the kit and pulled my knife out. The tears seemed to come faster now. I unwrapped the knife and stared at it, asking myself if I was really going to do this to myself. To Conner.

I pressed the cold metal to the skin where my arm meets my hand and dragged it in a straight line half way up my arm. I could feel the blood streaming down my palm already. I tried to hold the knife longer but I lost feeling in my hand and it fell to the ground. And the door opened. I felt my legs collapse from fear. Someone caught me and it was not my mother.

"Stella?!" Conner shouted. I tried to find his face but couldn't. My eyes were already turning black around the edges. I cut eeper than I thought I had. Conner put me on the bathroom floor and walked over to the towel rack. I lost sight for a few seconds and then I felt the rough fabric of one of the bathroom towels against the cut. "Stella? Are you still with me?" I heard Conner say. I tried to nod but the pounding of my heart beat wouldn't allow it. Conner left again and came back i don't know how long later with his phone. He was already talking to someone. Probabaly the nuthouse.

He's calling the paramedics . He is trying to save your life, Stella.

I tried to watch Conner but it was hard. I barely could see anything through the darkness that was closing in on me. "Stella," Conner looked over at my eyes to see if I was still alive, "there are poeple are there way to come bring you to the hospital." I tried to protest but all that came out was a moan. "Shh, Stell." He picked up my head and rested it in his lap, trying to keep the towel on my wrist.

Before everything went completely black, I forced out a sentence, "I love you, Conner."
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Connella playlist

Happy- Never Shout Never (Chapter 8)
Welcome to my Life- Simple Plan (Chapter 9)
Rain- Breaking Benjamin (Chapter 11)
Who are you know- Sleeping With Sirens
Always- Killswitch Engaged (Chaper 13)
Dear Agony- Breaking Benjamin
Baby Don't Cut- B-Mike ( Mentioned in Chapter 2)
Hold on Till May- Pierce the Veil ft. Lindsey Stamey (Mentioned in Chapter 14)
Angels Fall- Breaking Benjamin
Snow Patrol- Chasing Cars
A Trophy Father's Trophy Son- Sleeping With Sirens
The Way she Feels- Between the Trees