SCARS

FOURTEEN

~Recap~

Blocking him out is a bad choice Stella. Your going to hit your downfall by doing that.

My voice warned me. I opened my eyes and stood. "Come on. Let's go do that stuff that you wanted to do."

Conner stood and started looking for his shoes.

Good choice, Stell. Maybe your good choices will add up in the future.
+++++++++++++++++++++

Conner brought me to some odd place outside of town. Of looked like an old town that no one had visited in centuries. The only proof that it wasn't haunted or housing criminals was the tour guide leading a group of about twenty people. I looked at Conner. He was looking at the tour group with a concentrated look. "What are you planning?" i asked.

He smiled. "Well, my wallet is at home and the fee for the tour is ten dollars for two," he looked at me. "You wouldn't happen to have ten bucks would you?"

I shook my head. "Okay. We need to jump into the tour group without anyone noticing."

"You did this on purpose. The Conner Bliu that I have gone to school with for the past three years never broke the rules. Not even if he was paid."

"I've never had a reason to." He took my hand and walked straight into the middle of the tour group. No one noticed that we had jumped in beside them. Or that two teenagers were in a group made up of parents and grandparents. Conner was still looking around. "Conner, what are you looking at?"

He shook is head and didn't answer. I waited a few more minutes before I stopped him and said, "If you are a psycho doing this only to murder me, I am leaving."

Conner stopped then and turned to someone in the tour, "Can you take a picture of me and my girlfriend?"

I started blushing and the parent said yes. Conner took my hand and dragged me over to the front of the mill. The parent took Conner's phone and held it up sideways. Conner wrapped his arms around my waist and I rested my head against his chest. We were ready to take the picture when Conner made the mother stop. I looked back at him, confused. "What's wrong?" He answered me by pulling my down. He ran his fingers through it to get rid of some of the tangles then wrapped his arms around me again.

We both smiled and the mother took the picture. I was happy at that time. For the first time in forty eight hours I felt something other than emptiness.
+++++++++++++++++++++++

On the drive back to my house, I connected my iPhone to the radio of the car. The first song that played was Hold On Till May by Pierce the Veil. Conner stopped it after I told him the name of the song. He was about five minutes away from my house when he pulled the car off onto the side of the road. "Stell, do you promise to hold on until May? Even if the pain the pain is over bearing? Promise me that you ill hold on," he asked,

I nodded.

It was April 25th.
+++++++++++++++++++++

Conner drove me home listening to that song. When it ended he asked me to play it again. I did and before he pulled out, I saw him pull out his phone and search something. Probably that song. It was quiet when I came in and then my mother started throwing things across the house. I tried to dodge a glass that as launched at me, but failed and it hit me in the arm and caused a gash. My mother came stomping through the house after me. I tried to hide behind the closet door, in which I had opened to stop a plate that was thrown.

She pulled the door out of my grasp and screamed, "What the hell do you think you're doing here?"

I kept myself quiet, hoping I wouldn't slip again and hit her. I was not going to do that ever again. She slapped me and I stood there and took it. I didn't flinch. I forced myself not to blink. She yelled and screed. I cried when she had finally let m escape to the only place I had privacy. The bathroom. I took my first aid kit out and glowered at the cloth wrapped knife.

No. No. No.

I thought. I wasn't going to do this. I was already at an extreme low. Cutting would dig the blasted hole I was stuck in become even deeper. And when I had another bad day, i would sink even lower than I did this time.

Oh stop. You know that you're going to drag that blade across your hip like you did the last time so lover boy won't notice.

I wished she was a real person so I could crush her face into my wall over and over.

But she was right.

The first thing I did before I went to bed that night, I put a bandage on the ten scars that were spread evenly over both of my sides.

I wished I could get rid of her. She was taking my life away.

And that meant losing Conner.

And I didn't want to live without him. I couldn't.