DEVOTED

one

BILLIE
feeling lonely is probably the worst thing yet but it's even worse knowing you're alone and not just feeling as if you're lonely.

I don't let anyone get close to me.

my whole pregnancy I was alone, it's something nobody should ever experience and to say it was better after giving birth.. it wasn't.

"come on, one more push" the sweet lady tells me.

"I can't" I sob, "I can't do it" I say throwing my head back, how much I wish I had ash just whispering sweet nothing into my ears, whipping my tears and saying encouraging words to keep me going.

"yes, you can. just one more" she tells me, I let out a sob but push through it, "there we go" the lady say cutting the umbilical cord and rushes out with the baby.

the words were so faint when I passed out but I knew it wasn't good, "we have no heartbeat!" were the last words before I passed out.

to think I carried for nine months and when the time comes.. I get nothing and I'm all alone in the cold hospital room to feel this.

it's something I wouldn't wish upon anyone.

and I still had no one getting out of the hospital.

"billie baby, why didn't you tell us?" my mom asks with furrowed eyebrows, I shrug looking at my hands. I've told them about the pregnancy and lose.

"where is ash?" my dad asks.

"we broke up months ago, we were never a couple to start with" I say shaking my head, "I found out about it the day before I left and I never told her, I haven't even spoken to her since" I shrug rolling my eyes.

I hate how I still think about her till this day.

"aw baby, I'm sorry. I know how much you liked her" my mom says coming to hug me, I roll my eyes when I feel my tears coming again.

"I really did, we broke up when I moved here and I don't even like it. this doesn't feel like where I should be" I say frustrated as I point around my cold apartment.

"well that can be fixed billie, pack up and move back to New York" my dad tells me.

"my contract needs to end before I can leave and that's going to take another two years and a few months, I'm pretty sure she's already moved on" I say wiping my tears.

"but billie-"

"no mom, it's fine. this was my choice and ash tried to warn me, now I just have to deal with it" I say with a shrug.

"okay" she mutters kissing my forehead, I cover my face with my hands as I feel myself break down into sobs all over again.

I'm not sure what I'm crying about anymore.

ash, the baby, my choices? I don't even know.

this is book two of 'DEVOTION'

I hope you enjoy it.