DEVOTED

four

BILLIE
"this place is beautiful" ash says lowly as we walk around the city, I took her out to look around the city today and catch up.

"it is" I nod with as shrug while fiddling with my hand on my side, "it truly is nice, the people are nice and all" I add with a sigh, she nods looking around as we continue our small trial.

"come sit" she says pointing at a bench, I smile sitting next to her looking at the big pond with fish inside, "have you been taking care of yourself?" she asks eventually.

"I mean I can only imagine how you're feeling, I guess I just want to know how you're holding up and how it was being alone during the pregnancy" she says looking at me, I glance at her and turn back to the pond.

"I'm trying" I shrug, "I'm trying to take care of myself but it's not exactly the easiest thing to do at the moment" I say with a sigh.

"a part of me knows that I wasn't ready for a child, I mean my life is a mess right now but it also wouldn't have been a bad thing, I think it would have pushed me to actually make things happen" I say as my face twists in confusion.

"I don't know, I'm not making any sense" I say shaking with a chuckle.

"you are, I get what you're trying to say" she tells me making me smile slightly while glancing at her and shake my head with a smile.

"I can't possibly tell you how I feel but I can say in this moment I'm very much okay" I tell her, "being alone during pregnancy was so scary, it was the worst feeling ever to not having anyone to turn to or hold you" I sigh.

"and I remember my water broke at work and someone called an ambulance, I can't even tell you who it is.. and I was alone in the ambulance and while giving birth and while I received the news"

it's quiet for a bit before ash lets out a sigh, "I'm sorry you went through all of those emotions alone" she says softly, "you're really fucking brave" she says making me chuckle.

"no, I really am not" I say, "I wasn't brave enough to call you and tell you, if I had we wouldn't be here right now" I tell her pointing at her.

"true but I think everything happens for a reason, what would have happened if you told me and we both got attached only for the baby to not make it?" she asks, "at least I can take care of you" she says poking my shoulder.

"I guess" I mumble with a smile.

"I'm glad you're okay now" she says and opens her hand in front of me for me to put my hand in hers, "maybe it's the way it was supposed to be" she says standing up and pulls me up with her.

"it will all make sense as we move on" she says as we start walking again, I slip my fingers in her to intertwine our fingers together.

she gives me hand a squeeze making me look up at her.