Who You Are Book 2

Chapter 91 - Wei Wuxian Speaks Up

After a couple of days for everyone to let all those memories soak in, Baoshan would gather everyone again for a meeting to discuss some things. It would also be a time for Wei Wuxian to really speak his mind and open up. Everyone knows what he went through. Everyone has watched his life crumble over and over again only for him to be resurrected and standing once more.

At the moment, it was very early in the morning and everyone was sound asleep. Wei Wuxian was suddenly woken up with the urge to vomit. Morning sickness...it was something that Wei Wuxian did not miss. He carefully crawled out of bed and stepped outside for some fresh air and to the nearest bush. It didn't take long for the contents of his stomach and the morning sickness to wash over him and let it out.

Lan Wangji woke not long after and noticed Wei Wuxian was not next to him. He slowly got up and looked around the room. Because it was so early, he used the soul bond connection to figure out where Wei Wuxian was. Stepping outside, he saw Wei Wuxian dealing with a bit of morning sickness. Lan Wangji went beside him and pulled his hair back with one hand, and the other hand went to Wei Wuxian's back.

"Why do they call it morning sickness when it can just hit you at any moment of the day? I get it's early morning but still. It's not even five yet," Wei Wuxian said, his voice was a bit hoarse from the vomiting.

"I'm not sure," Lan Wangji answered calmly as he rubbed Wei Wuxian's back, "when you are feeling a bit better, we can head back in. Just take your time. Even if you want to sit out here for a moment for some fresh air, that is fine."

"Mnn," Wei Wuxian nodded but soon hunched over again heaving.

Lan Wangji felt sorry for him as he had to deal with this sickness. Lan Wangji could only side beside him to comfort him. After some time later, Wei Wuxian was well enough to head back inside. Before settling back into bed, Lan Wangji gave Wuxian some water to drink. He then laid down and held Wei Wuxian close to him.

"If you need to get up again, let me know," Lan Wangji told him.

"Best husband," Wei Wuxian told him.

Lan Wangji's lips curved into a smile, "only for you, my love."

Wei Wuxian snuggled as close as possible to him and fell back to sleep not long after. After several hours, they both woke up again at a proper time. Lan Wangji woke first and prepared a bath for when Wei Wuxian woke up. Wei Wuxian woke after another hour.

"How are you feeling now that you got some sleep?" Lan Wangji asked sitting beside him.

"I feel better at the moment, but I'm now starving," Wei Wuxian answered.

Lan Wangji chuckled, "I have a bath prepared. After that we can go get breakfast."

Wei Wuxian slowly sat up stretching his arms out, "okay," he said and got up.

After he bathed, the two dressed for the day and went out to meet the others for breakfast. Wei Wuxian knew that it was also time to sit down and discuss some things. He wasn't really sure if he wanted to talk about the past anymore but after he thought about it, this conversation will potentially be the last time they speak of it. Wei Wuxian was then determined to speak freely so he didn't have to talk about this stuff again.

"A'Xian, now that everyone knows what exactly happened to you and your thoughts, do you have anything else to add?" Baoshan asked.

"Honestly, now just comes the question, where does loyalty lie?" Wei Wuxian told her and looked at everyone, "I trust very little. Aside from my two sons and my husband, tell me, who should I trust? Some would say I should trust my parents and Baoshan, but should I? Should I trust Lan Xichen and Lan Qiren? Can I still trust Shijie anymore? I no longer trust the Jiang's, thought my trust in them has been very thin as it is."

"We understand that," Baoshan told him.

"Do you?" Wei Wuxian asked, "You watched it all. Try experiencing it. Try to endure the physical and mental pain of it all. Try going through it alone. You know why I didn't say a thing? I was afraid. I didn't want to be a burden to anyone. The first day I arrived to Lotus Pier, I immediately knew I didn't belong there. Madam Yu made sure of that very quickly. Jiang Cheng also made sure of that. I was always blamed for doing something wrong and took the Zidian Whip for it. I have whip scars that will never go away and almost all of them are from abuse. I did not deserve a single one of those whips. I wasn't whipped for getting into trouble anyway. I was whipped for being Cangse Sanren's son.

"Any wrong move and I felt I was one step away from getting kicked out of the sect. So when I betrayed the clan, I am glad I did. I've felt more relaxed and free outside of Lotus Pier than I have felt inside. Then there was my first experience into the Lan Sect. Despite Lan Qiren being against me, also because of my mother, I actually felt more relaxed at Cloud Recesses, but I couldn't call it home.

"When I was thrown into the burial mounds, I began to wonder if that was my new home. I hated ever second inside that place. It was so cold and the air felt heavy. I felt alone for the first time in my life. The first time I felt at home..." Wei Wuxian looked directly into Lan Wangji's eyes, "was in your arms. I knew that my home, was with you but that was after I was resurrected. If I had really listened to you and let you help me, maybe I would have been fine.

Wei Wuxian then turned to the others again, "But I actually think that those sixteen years of being dead made a difference for a lot of people. There was still stuff happening and I was dead. I couldn't have been blamed for that knowing I was nowhere to be seen. To be honest, I don't even know where I was during those sixteen years. You tell me you understand that I trust little to no-one, but I honestly think you guys know nothing."

Lan Wangji placed his hand on Wei Wuxian's back, "Wei Ying," he said softly, "I am here."

Wei Wuxian looked up at Lan Wangji again and leaned in to whisper something in his ear, "can you hold me?"

Lan Wangji's lips curved into a soft smile as he pulled Wei Wuxian onto his lap and wrapped his arms around him. Wei Wuxian's back was pressed against Lan Wangji's chest and Lan Wangji placed his hands on Wei Wuxian's lower stomach. He liked the idea of being able to have his hand over his child to come. He felt like he was protecting the child. Wei Wuxian melted into Lan Wangji's embrace.

"This is my home," Wei Wuxian mumbled quietly.

Cangse smiled. She wanted her some to remain that calm and happy. Knowing that Lan Wangji was always going to be by Wei Wuxian's side, Cangse felt at ease.