My Metal Angel (Vince Neil X Tom Keifer A Love)

Chapter 20: Unraveled & Vulnerable (Tom Keifer)

A/N: Included the song "long Cold winter" By Cinderella as the theme for the chapter, thought it was very fitting...enjoy!

My days and nights have blurred together since the night I left Vince....my Vinny.... but is he even my Vinny anymore? Because we aren't together or...are we? I am and have been so conflicted, I knew the night I walked out his door and broke my heart and HIS.... well, I felt like I made the biggest mistake of my life. It FELT so wrong...still does. And my illness, the nausea, the dizziness, and the weight gain hasn't let up...if anything it gotten worse, maybe it's all the stress.... i don't fucking know! What I do know...is my heart is broken, filled with such guilt...how could I ever fix things between Vince and me? How? I abandoned him, I did...I did....

2 weeks, 2 fucking long ass eternal weeks have passed since the night I left Vince. He's left tear filled messages, pleading with me to come back.... messages letting me know he still loves me and that he's fighting for me and that he's worried. Of course, too, he's come by my place, but I don't answer, too busy getting sick AND just all around scared and shamed. I feel like its some form of penance for me. I am coming more and more undone...I should mention everyone has tried to be there for me and is worried for me...so worried. Jeff did give me messages from Vince and song lyrics to a song Vince wrote...that I haven't been able to bring myself to read.

Currently, its late at night...around 1 am or so and I am heaving my guts out...AGAIN. I have been getting sick for at least, well I don't know exactly been at least about 10 min. I come up for breath and finally, at last seem to be done.

"Oww..." I groan, holding my stomach...which seems to be quite round as I manage to stumble to my feet and rinse my mouth out....and suddenly realization hits me like a thunder bolt. I've had so much going on...the band and then what had happened between Vince and i...the worries about him.... the pain and guilt of us separating.... but I wonder...if...I could possibly.... OH MY GOD!!! I whimper, "I think I may...need to go to the store...I...so scared. Vinny...Oh Vinny.... i wish...I wish." I sob. Somehow, I manage to find my shoes and a jacket and locking my door, I head to the nearest store, feeling so tired...so weak and nauseous. Upon entering said store, I buy of all things, spicy chips.... cherries jubilee ice cream and pickles...really craving those. I also grab something to drink like peppermint tea without caffeine and the aisle...containing pregnancy tests...this aisle scares me, because I don't want to do this alone and if I must...it's MY fault alone.

Finally, my mini shopping spree ends, and I head back to my apartment, where to my surprise I find a bundle of letters, it looks like.... i get scared till I realize...I recognize Vince's handwriting...making my heart flutter, I can't control it....

I gather the letters up, and make my way to my kitchen, setting down the food and putting it away for now.... i grab the letters and the tests and the tears start, I find myself missing Vinny...I wish he were here so bad...but how could he still love me after what I've done and am putting him thru?

The letters get thrown on my bed and I go into the bathroom to take the tests, nerves rising.... Thankfully or not, I must pee, and I take several pregnancy tests carefully reading the instructions...and wait the allotted time....

What if I am pregnant? What will I do? Of course, I want this...I want children and it being Vince's child...its special...but would he want ME? My heart tells me 'Yes and if there is a baby, he would love them too...he still loves me, that's what my heart says....my head...I can't see a way out....

The time is up...my hands shake terribly as I check each test, my eyes widening.... they are all positive, which means I am pregnant...

"Oh...Oh Vinny...I am SO sorry.... i don't know how to tell you...I'm pregnant.... oh..." My cravings rear their head and I walk back to my kitchen and wolf down everything I bought...thankfully I have tums just in case. "Now...what..." Something tells me to read the messages, I read the ones Jeff had given me about two weeks ago...and my eyes widen, lyrics to song 'Don't know What you Got till Its Gone'...the song is so beautiful and yet so fucking heart breaking. Its about...at its heart, all the shit Vince and I have been thru and the longing that is still in our hearts. I read the notes that came with the song, hands trembling...what stands out is the line where Vince alludes to...., "He knows?" I whisper. He's had to have figured it out...